Isnt life a bitch

cracked under pressure

We had been looking back into each other's eyes for almost 5 minutes now, neither of us knew what to say. He was worried about me and I was embarrassed I should never have left him alone in my apartment! not whilst I have so many things that he would rip me a new one for.... I only pray that he didn't find my stash!

"I thought we had gotten past this... I thought I had fixed you" fixed me? who am I! some kind of broken toy? "you cant just fix people Johnny! you cant just walk into someone's life and show them some attention and make them think they can have the world. You think you're a saint but your not, you hurt people you made me love you and then you cheated on your wife... what kind of person does that?" There was a flash of anger in his eyes like what I had just said hit home for him "I think you're just as broken as I am... that's why you tried to fix me then moved on to someone else who you deemed 'broken' too" had I crossed the line? probably did I make him mad? defiantly "What do you know about the real world Crystal! you live in your head making up all these personality's like Laney and Bethannie? you're an adult now! act like it I'm not going to be there to babysit you all your life" what he said hit home and hit it hard... am I really fit to live in the real world? "Leave... get out before I call your wife and tell her what you did!"...

That was 2 days ago, and what I'm about to do terrifies me to my core. I'm scared to death of what could happen but what John said was true and I need to face my demons in a controlled safe environment, one that doesn't have the pressures of being in the real world "I think you'll find it very comforting being here, we have excellent staff that have your care as their best interests, let me show you to your room" guess this is so long for a while? See ya round kiddo