Isnt life a bitch

tear stained cheeks

Hollywood goes by many names: the city of fallen angels, the city of broken dreams the list can go on for days... But it's nothing more than a cesspool for drugs, sexual transmitted diseases and self-loathing. Some of the girls who get suckered into this low life don't look old enough to be sucking on anything other than their mother milk let alone bottles of cheap vodka paid for with dirty money do doughtily. Nothing prays on the dreams of weak minded and insecure like two faced whore who calls herself Show Business, She pulls you closer with promises of wealth and endless fame for the few who manage to hold on for the ride of lies...

Slamming my note book close with an angry sigh I raked shaking hands through a mess of hair... who knew what a bigger mess my hair or my life? For weeks I've been working on the same opening scene and gotten nowhere, it had nothing no depth, it provoked nothing in my head all it seemed to be was angry ramblings consisting mostly about my failed writing career and a the now empty bottle of rum that laid in shares on the hard wood floor. The broken and beaten apartment I called home seen better days but this is what I wanted and what I needed, mostly what I felt i deserved after throwing everything I'd ever wanted away, And all for what I questioned to be true love. Something that seemed to be like the black plague here in Hollyweird, once you catch it you know you're fucked.

Crossing slowly to the dusty window on shaking wobbly sea legs to look out the window at calm on the outside world to maybe calm myself, yet on the inside what went on in my head would make even the great Hunter S Thompson blush from embarrassment. My bloodshot eyes had been focused on the morning sun for hours now in hopes that it would provide some form of answer to an unknown question or even a little direction in my dejected life.

Every night was the same thing, write all night and drink myself half to death, this what had become entwined in my life, dancing on the line that defined her sanity. A line iv been ignoring most of my adult life, in most people eyes a very questionable life. No one seemed to understand how my head worked, the way I looked at things or the way iv learnt to cope with things. the perils of being a free spirit in a world of mindless brain dead zombies