Isnt life a bitch

Coffee date with John

I sat in the coffee shop under a dim light watching the people outside rushing past in the rain and the water sliding down the window making everything blurry... kinda like the night I first met johnny? the coffee shop was empty no one wanted coffee at 11 PM on a wet Wednesday night well no one other than Johnny and well... me. The door opened from the other side of the room and the room was filled with the smell of rain and a shaggy wet man came inside taking off his wide-brimmed hat that could only be one person... my Johnny!.... wait no JUST johnny, yeah that's it just johnny! 

A smile grew on his face as he slides into the booth across from me "glad you could make it Beth" I couldn't help but smile "me too, kinda fitting that its raining isn't it?" I had hoped that he would make the connection like I did "I don't want to be pulling you off the side of any bridges tonight alright?" pointing his finger at me with a cheeky smile i giggles softly and sipped my hot coffee to hide me blush behind the cup "don't worry ill be more careful this time" I whispered as I placed the cup down on the table "it's really good to see you again, I wasn't expecting to see you again and to run into you whilst I was out getting wine? that was really unexpected!" Johnny's brown eyes lightened a few shades as he spoke "yeah... I know you kinda gatecrashed me there a bit" His wedding ring shone as he placed his hand on the table. 

Instantly my heart sank like it did last time... only this time more, he was out with me in the middle of the night whilst his wife was at home with his daughter god damn it! I don't wanna be that girl! "look, dinner went badly and all I wanted was to catch up and chat about how life has been going... you know like old time?" was I ready to do this? was i ready to let him know how pathetic my life has become? "uh ok well lets see? i wrote a book it did ok, I'm working on my second one about how my life has treated me and how i can fuck it up anymore" with a smile i sipped my coffee more before continuing "uh what else? I live alone, never really had a boyfriend and I'm not having kids" I knew he was going to ask "maybe when you meet the right man you will want kids Bethanie?".

After a pause, I confessed "johnny... I cant have kids, you remember the night you took me to the hospital? well they told me that I had my ovaries ruptured and... me having kids is never going to happen for me" his face went pale and his eyes fell to the table "Beth... I'm so sorry, i didn't know I would have never have said anything if I knew" I felt a little bad but once I felt a small weight being lifted I wanted to get more off "I knew Destiny could give you that, I saw your face light up whenever you would see kids or someone would talk about kids... I knew that you wanted them and a family. She wanted one too it felt only right for me to take myself out of the equation and you wouldn't fall for me and not be able to have something you really wanted because I couldn't... I don't want to be that kind of person Johnny"