Be My Addiction

47 • Wisdom

Eugene 

I winced as the force of a football bent my wrist at an uncomfortable angle and sighed when the sound of a whistle followed shortly. 

“Michaels!” Coach yelled my last name and a frown worked its way onto my lips. I passed the ball to one of my teammates.

“Sorry Coach!” I said shortly, though I don’t think that helped very much.

“You gotta keep your mind on the game. Next time the ball might hit your face.” He said bluntly. 

“Yeah sorry, I was distracted.” I didn’t feel like explaining myself but I knew he would probably want an explanation sooner or later. 

He nodded a bit and the man’s eyes gazed over me, “Meet me after practice.”

With an internal sigh, I nodded, “yes sir.” After the brief interaction, I headed back to practice and did my best not to get distracted this time. The coach was right. I didn’t want to get a ball straight to the face. 

It’s been a week since the rumor spread about Ethan. Most of the jocks knew the rumor was fake because I told them, but it was much harder getting the truth across to students who I wasn’t personal with. 

And because of the rumors, as well as what I’ve done, Ethan hasn’t spoken to me yet. Which sucks. I thought it would be easier to move on, but it’s even harder than it was to move on when I broke up with Veronica. 

Maybe it’s because Ethan had done nothing wrong. 

I needed to sort this out and fast. It was weird. I felt like there was just a piece of me missing or messed up. And I knew I was the only one to blame. I just didn’t know how to fix it or make this feeling go away.

Letting out one more sigh, I pushed all my internal dialogue to the back of my mind and focused on practice.

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After we did some drills and runs, the team was released to shower and go home. All of them were free to go to their families except me. 

I walked over to the bleachers and started cleaning up. I needed a distraction because I was sure the coach would start grilling me and telling me to try harder on football. As I thought that, the man walked over and started helping me clean the place up. There were foam cups littered in the area. Usually, someone volunteered to stay and clean them up. Today, that person was me. 

I expected Coach to go immediately into a lecture but, to my surprise, he stayed silent until everyone left. Silence fell over us for a precious moment before his gravelly voice drew my attention.

“Eugene what’s going on with you?” He sat down and I soon followed suit, sitting beside him. I watched as the floodlights turned on, illuminating the field.

Sighing, I rubbed the back of my neck. A lot was going on, but I wasn’t sure if there was anything he could do. “I have a few things going on in my personal life..” I hinted, hoping he would catch on and not press for more details.

“Well, whatever is going on, it’s taking away your focus from football. Are you losing interest in playing?” He inquired and I quickly shook my head. 

“No. I love football.” I insisted and looked his way.

He nodded, “good, because you could go far if you put effort into it.”

I nodded with a soft smile, “I’m trying, Coach.”

He nodded, “Whatever is going on, I hope it settles soon. Don’t tell anyone I said this but you’re my star player... I need you at your best.” We both shared a chuckle.

We spent a little longer cleaning up before he let me go. I thanked him and drove home. When I got there, Anna ran out and hugged me, grinning with excitement. “Gene!” She giggled. Hearing the nickname Ethan came up with was bittersweet. A half-smile shaped my lips.

“What’s up, squirt? Where’s mom?” I smiled and pet her head before carrying her inside. She giggled and wiggled, which didn’t make carrying her any easier. I set her on the couch and got myself a glass of juice. 

She ran back over to me, “Mom fell asleep! She said I could stay up till you said it’s time for bed!” I’m sure that’s not exactly what she said but I wouldn’t mind making sure Anna got to sleep. She giggled more, that excitement not dying down, “Where’s Eefan?” she asked. It was cute she couldn’t say ‘Ethan’ correctly. She lost a tooth recently so it was difficult for her to pronounce some things.

Sighing, I look down at her, “he’s not going to be hanging around anymore, sorry.” 

To my response, she frowned, “well, why not?” I knew I’d have to explain most of the situation to her. I didn’t want to explain it but she was still young enough to not read signals well. She couldn’t tell it bothered me.

“Ethan and I aren’t friends anymore. Something happened that made it so we can’t hang out. And Ethan is mad at me because I hurt him.” I explained, watching as her little eyebrows furrowed as she processed everything.

After a moment, she finally had something to say. “Did you say sorry? Whenever my friends do something to make me sad, the teacher always has us say sorry and we are friends again!” She grinned. I imagined she felt pretty smart.

Chuckling softly, I thought for a moment, “I don’t think he wants me to say sorry. I’ve already lost the chance. I don’t think he will forgive me.” I tried explaining to her.

“Do you like him?” Even though the question was innocent, her expression had an odd look of wisdom. If you could consider anything she says wise.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Is it possible she picked up on stuff that me and Ethan had tried to be subtle about? Well, now that I think about it, if we were really subtle, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

“Do you like him?” she tilted her head and waited patiently, as if reasking the question solved my confusion.

Chuckling lightly, I tilted my head to mimic her. Taking a guess, I knew what she was probably referring to, “Like, like him?”

Anna giggled and nodded, hopping excitedly from foot to foot, “Yeah! As a boyfren?” She exclaimed, not fully pronouncing 'boyfriend'. 

I felt my cheeks fluster a little. Yeah. She definitely picked up on things. Unconsciously, I rubbed the back of my neck. Stuttering, I tried to respond, “I uh- I mean… yeah. He was my boyfriend.”

Anna nodded slightly before she settled back on the couch. With more of that newly found wisdom, she continued to blow my mind. “Did you stop being frens because people don’t like that?”

“Not.. quite." I said slowly, still trying to figure out how to explain this to someone Anna's age, "How do you know people don’t like that?” Maybe changing the subject was better.

"Well, one of my friends has two moms... And a lot of people say it's wrong." Anna spoke with a yawn. 

Alright so that explained a bit, but now I had to worry about her opinion, "Well what do you think?"

"Well, mommy is amazing! I wouldn’t mind two of her!” she grinned up to me.

I guess I didn't have to worry too much.

Laughing, I ruffled her hair, “Me neither.”

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Despite the fact that I spent literally months trying to write this chapter, I still am not satisfied with it. That being said, I knew everyone was waiting far too long to get an update. I already have the next chapter wrote so I will publish it right after this one. I'll also explain a bit why I haven't been updating as much lately.

Thank you for everyone's patience.