Be My Addiction

37 • Tears

Ethan

The day went by relatively slow. Classes were boring and that pit in my stomach only seemed to grow. At first, I was convinced I just needed to eat something, but after lunch, that pit didn’t get filled. 

That left me with one option.

I was having some weird, withdrawal moment where my anxiety spiked again. I haven’t had any of those recently but I guess it was bound to happen. I was sure Eugene would be able to help me in Biology, though. He always seemed to be good at that.

Even as I thought that, walking into that classroom felt like wading through five feet of rushing water. As I sat down, I could feel the tension radiating off of Eugene. He had his nose deep in a book so I let him be, assuming he was stressed about a test.

Wait. Do we have a test?

Turning to my boyfriend, I frowned, “Do we have a test today?”

Catching Gene off guard, he turned his attention to me and shook his head slowly, confusion dancing across his eyes, “No..?” His tone had a question in it.

“Oh thank Jes-” I cut myself off, remembering my manners. If my mother heard me say that, she’d probably have a cow.

Even though my family has never been very religious, we were always mindful of people who were.

Eugene chuckled but returned his attention to his book.

For the first ten minutes of class, we sat there, not doing anything because Mr. Grenell was trying to set up an experiment to show the class. I was a little excited considering I saw a box of matches at his table. It probably had something to do with how heating food helped make it easier for people to store energy.

Throughout that entire time, Eugene was silent. I sat back in my chair and read the page he was reading, out of curiosity, because he was just so invested in it.

By my fourth time reading the page, I realized two things. 

That book was boring, and he must be a slow reader. Either that, or he wasn’t reading the book at all.

Oh wait, that was three things.

I’ve seen Eugene read before, and he’ll admit, he’s not the fastest reader, but he should have been done with that page by now. 

Leaning in, I tap his arm. His eyes flickered to me for a moment before he placed his hand on the page, presumably to hold his place, even though where he was touching had no words on it, “What’s up?” He questioned.

Tilting my head, I let my eyebrows crease, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing..?” He shrugged, but still didn’t meet my eyes.

Ok, I get it, I’m so intimidating. Me and my five feet and eight inches.

“Oh really?” Smirking lightly, I quirk an eyebrow.

“What could be wrong? Everything is fine.” He coughed slightly after his sentence, something he sometimes did when he lied.

Blinking, I frowned again, “Gene, you’ve been staring blankly at that page for over ten minutes now and I know you’re not reading it.”

Eugene sighed and put the book away, “Listen, Ethan. I’m fine, ok?” The tone he was using sent a pang to my chest. It sounded like he was thinking, ‘leave me alone.’

Mr. Grenell drew in my attention with a clap of his hand, though it quickly wondered to Eugene. He was acting so strange.

I watched as my teacher lit a match and proceeded to burn different substances to show how energy is converted, though I didn’t retain anything he said.

Throughout class, Eugene refused to interact with me, or anything for that matter. At the end of class, I barely had time to register Eugene leaving because he was gone within a minute. I had to rush out of class to meet up with him. He was at his locker, quickly shuffling things around in his bag. I needed to confront him. Whatever was happening, it was making him shut down. I’ve never seen him like this so, needless to say, I didn’t like it. Crossing my arms, I stood beside him, "Eugene."

He didn't respond, spending his time organizing his locker and bag. After a few minutes, the halls were pretty vacant. "Eugene!" I said louder. Finally, he turned his attention toward me, a look of frustration on his face.

"What?" He snapped slightly, making my frown deepen.

"Why are you being like this?" I gestured with my hands towards him out of frustration.

"Like what? What am I being like?" he sighed. I didn't understand why he was acting so distant, and quite frankly rude.

"You're acting weird. You're not talking to me." I tried my best to hide the pout and hurt on my face but I was sure he heard that in my tone.

Eugene sighed and turned to me, crossing his arms, essentially closing himself off more, "Listen Ethan, I'm going through a lot right now and I can't handle this."

My stomach dropped at his words. I wasn't sure what he meant but I already felt the panic rise in my chest, "What do you mean? You can't handle what?"

Eugene glanced away, "This. You and me. A lot is going on and I think we need to stop" he trailed off, his eyes no longer looking in my direction at all.

"Stop what?" All I could do was whisper. Even though I asked the question, I had a feeling I knew his answer.

"Us. We need to stop us." He said with such finality, I felt like it was a chain wrapping around my chest, adding pressure, preventing me from breathing fully.

"What?" I couldn't prevent my voice from cracking. A sharp pain filled my chest and faintly in my left arm. 

Don't ask me why. I couldn't explain it.

"We are done, Ethan." He stated with a rather blank look. Without much of an explanation, he turned around and walked off, presumably to go home.

He left me there. 
 
I don't remember the walk home, but I remember I had looked at myself in the mirror when I got to the house.
 
My cheeks were wet and red, burned from the salt of tears.

I was crying.