Be My Addiction

38 • Done

Ethan

That night was probably one of the worst nights I've had in a long time. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't think. I just kind of floated in this grey world that I wish I hadn't been stuck in. If Eugene had broken up with me a month ago, I don't think I would have been hurt this bad. It took me so long to get comfortable around him and to think that he would throw it away just...

Just like he did... 

It hurts.

Through the night, I repeatedly reached for my phone to check and see if Eugene texted or called me. I prayed, hoping he would say that he was just some stupid, hurtful prank, but he never did.

Of course being the person I am, I couldn't just let this sit. I couldn't just let this relationship go, even though Eugene seemed to. So the next morning, I got up, pulled on the best outfit I had - that wasn't crossing the line of being formal - and booked it to school.

I was going to confront him. I wasn't just going to drift away and pretend this never happened. I'm not that kind of person and I have far too much pride to let it go. 

Of course when I saw Gene, I felt my resolve slip. He didn't look good. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was just a little too messy - implying that he's been running his hands through his hair a lot this morning. 

At least I knew he couldn't just pretend that we never happened; that I never happened.

So maybe that meant he was more likely to take me back. Whatever I did to make him push me away, maybe I can fix it. 

I walked up to him and crossed my arms, trying to look all tough and as reasonably upset as I could without looking like I was about to cry,  because let's be honest, I was about to cry. "Eugene," I stated simply. I watched as his shoulders tensed and he slowly turned to look at me, a tight frown working onto his lips. 

"Ethan." His tone was pretty monotone, which automatically sent a sharp pain into my chest, but I couldn't let it get to me. Not yet. 

"This is seriously ridiculous," I argued, "What even happened? Did you drink something? Did something happen? Why did you say that? We can't be over… Right?" I was aware I probably really sounded like that clingy girlfriend that everybody just wanted to dump and be done with, but at that moment, I could understand what they were going through. To have a relationship that you put so much energy and vulnerability into only to have it thrown back in your face... 
It's not the best feeling.

Eugene sighed, and those chocolate brown eyes slowly moved away from me. "Ethan.." he sighed again "I really can't talk about this." He muttered before walking away. He didn't give me a chance to process. 

Why wouldn't he even talk to me?

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The rest of the day went something similar to that. I would try to approach Eugene, and he would make some stupid excuse to run away or he would give me some mumbled response about how I just needed to drop the subject. 

Call me crazy, but that wasn't exactly reasonable.

I've had enough. I was going to get answers and I was going to get them today. As the bell rang, I raced to Eugene's car. Standing against the driver side door, I crossed my arms and waited. It took a long time for everyone to leave and it took even longer for Eugene to finally appear out of the building. I knew when he saw me, he wasn't pleased with what he saw - which hurt a lot. 

His eyebrows were creased and that frown had deepened on his lips. I hated seeing that and knowing it was me who caused that frown.

He approached and pulled his keys from his pocket. "Ethan, move." 

"No." I responded, just as defiantly as he knew I was going to be, "not until you tell me why."

Eugene sent a sharp look to me, which I felt was very close to a glare. He huffed and crossed his arms, which made him look masculine, with the help of his muscular arms - of course. As for me, when I crossed my arms,  I just looked like an angry kitten. At least that's what he told me before. 

"Ethan get out of my damn way." He ordered. That hurt my self-esteem quite a bit. 

My crossed arms turned more into a self hug as I looked up to him; helpless. “Gene, please talk to me..” I whispered meekly, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice.

“Ethan. For the last time." He started, sounding annoyed.. but maybe that was in my head. "Leave me alone." No, it definitely wasn't in my head. "I can’t talk about what’s going on so it’s better if you just stay away.”

His last sentence didn't do much but leave me with questions.

Taking a step closer, I reached for him, "can we just-"

He yanked his hand away before I could even touch him, "No! I said no." I couldn't hide the shock on my face when he raised his voice at me, nor could I hide the tears that began to well in my eyes.

He did his best to ignore that though, stepping around me as he unlocked his car.

“What did I do wrong?” I asked that question with my back to him so the only hint of hesitation I got was the halt of the jingling keys.

“...Nothing.” His voice held a bit of emotion I couldn't seem to figure out.

Slowly turning to him, my shoulders sagged, “So this is it then? We’re done? Just like that. Without any explanation?” My voice cracked as I spoke.

Eugene had opened his door and took a step towards the interior of the car before he half-turned to me. He still wouldn't look me in the eyes, “Yeah... Just like that.”

After that, he got in and shut the car door. I watched as he drove out of the parking lot, leaving me there.

I slowly sat where I had been standing, and for the second time in 48 hours, cried my eyes out.

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I'm not going to post chapter 39 yet because I wasn't satisfied with how it turned out. When I do post it, I will answer a few questions that had been asked when I mentioned the Q&A!

Also sorry to those who have left me messages and questions! I wanted to wait to address them until I had more questions or made a post about it!