Be My Addiction

42 • Just Don't

I'm so sorry! I had no intention of going silent through the summer and I'm sorry I didn't give you wonderful people an update in a very long time. A lot of things have been going on lately, and a good portion of it, I don't really know how to explain it.

When I was with my family, I had lost all motivation to do anything. It had continued for a while even when I got back home. I would try to write and it felt like there were cotton balls in my brain. So I held off.. And over thought things and repeat.

It's not an excuse for not keeping up to date though and I'm really sorry about that. I'm grateful to everyone who is still with me and reading my stories. I will try to be better in the future

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Eugene

Ethan was much harder to find than Veronica had been. 

It used to be so easy for me to spot him in the hallways, but I think that was because he wanted to be seen.

Now, it was like his whole intention was to vanish from my view. And I had signed myself up for that when I broke up with him.

I found him in the bathroom after the second period. He had bags under his eyes, and I wasn’t sure if they were from crying or lack of sleep.

Or both.

His blue eyes met mine through the mirror, though it seemed as though he was looking past me. I tried to read any emotion on his face. Was he mad or angry? Did he hate me for the mess I’ve caused? I almost wished I knew because not knowing what was going through his mind was messing with me more than I’d like to admit.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward, knowing it was up to me to start this conversation, “Ethan..” I started.

He cut me off almost immediately, “I don’t want to hear it.” His tone was as empty as his gaze, making me flinch on the inside. Even when we were strangers, he never talked to me like that. This was going to be hard.

But it was necessary.

“Please, Ethan, I need you to know I didn’t do this.” I took another step towards him, getting a better view of his features. He was wearing a hoodie and some baggy jeans. His dark hair was pushed back from his face for the most part, though a few strands fell into his eyes, beckoning me to push them away. Of course, I couldn’t do that. His voice drew me back to reality.

“Do what? What haven’t you done that could be so important you finally decide to speak to me?” Yeah. I deserved that. His eyebrows creased in frustration and probably a bit of well-deserved anger. I had been avoiding talking to him, and now I want to chat? Who wouldn’t be confused and irritated? That being said, I had to talk to him about this.

“I didn’t spread the rumors! I didn’t say anything about you, I swear.” I insisted, only to hear him scoff and roll his eyes. There was no humor in the action—just more irritation.

“I don’t care if you spread those rumors. I’m done.”

“You’re done?” I wasn’t sure what he meant by those words. He gave an open-armed shrug at my question, one that could probably come off as carefree, but I saw through that.

“I’m done caring about anything you have to say or anything you do. You could have been the one who spread that rumor about me, and I still wouldn’t care.” Ethan shrugged again, though this one was weaker and more to himself. I watched as his eyes drifted to the floor.

I didn’t want to believe him. I knew he would care about who made those rumors, right? Surely he would.

“Ethan, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

I slightly reached my hand out, intending on touching his shoulder. Before I got there, he flinched away from my touch and took a few steps back.

“DON’T” His voice rang through the small bathroom, and I quickly retracted my hand, though, for a moment, it seemed that was the last thing he wanted.

Confusion danced across my eyes as a loaded question slipped past my lips, “What?”

“Stop talking already.” He must have noticed what I had about his expression because his body stiffened and he grabbed the bag I just noticed at his feet. He began making his way to the door but stopped when his back was turned to me. “You’ve said- you’ve done enough.”

His words were almost a whisper, but they still felt loud to my ears as guilt pressed a heavy hand on my chest.

“I-”

“Just don’t!” He spun, anger quickly filling up his features. His hair fell over his eyes, hiding them from view, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they looked at me with rage. That’s what his gaze felt like. “I’m tired of it, ok? Nothing you say will make me feel any better. So don’t try.” He said with a quick breath.

I watched as his fingers curled, creating fists that shook with whatever emotion he was feeling, only for his body to go slack, hands falling at his side. 

We both stood their silently as I processed what he said. He was really done with me, and I know that’s what I deserved. And that’s what’s for the best.

But it still hurt.

“I think we can both mutually agree we shouldn’t talk to each other anymore…” I hadn’t realized my eyes were on the ground, but they shot to read his face when he said that. It was too late, however, because the only thing I saw was a glimpse of his dark hair as he left the bathroom. 

It took me a while to go back to class. I hadn't seen Ethan afterward, and I wasn't surprised to hear he had skipped the rest of school. Who wouldn't after everything that happened? 

I didn't know what to do to fix this.

I didn't know how to make it better for Ethan or get everyone off his back.

I just knew this wasn't something I could ever take back.

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The next chapter will have a song attatched to it, because I wanted to try something a little different