Be My Addiction

25 • By Fate

Ethan

I crashed out of bed, landing roughly on my carpeted floor. I resisted the bile that rose in my throat and took a deep breath, or several. The night terror flashed through my mind at a rapid pace.

The cars crumpled form sat, smoking, in the ditch. It's emergency lights were on but they seemed to be dying very quickly. I stood at the top of the ditch, watching the paramedics and firefighters rush into the crack in the earth to retrieve the car and see if there were survivors. I knew there was only one. This was my old car. My mom had stuck a "Proud mother" sticker on the back window. I could see it was covered in dirt but it still managed to stick to the glass. 

Sirens were blaring but the sound seemed warped, as if everything went in slow motion. 

I watched as the paramedics carefully pulled a boy about my age out of the driver's side. He had a large gash on his forehead, a dislocated shoulder and broken ribs. 

That was me. The me from the accident. From that night. 

Surveying the area, I saw a small form approaching. Not from the ditch but the side of the road. My heart stopped I saw who it was.

The boys form looked off, slightly transparent, and had intense injuries from all over him.

Brian looked up at me with blank eyes.

His lips parted and he soon said words that would shock me to my core.

"This is all your fault."

The night terrors have been coming back more frequently, making it hard for me to sleep. And guessing from the time it says on the clock - Thursday 12:07 A.M. - it'll be one of those nights. Usually I would just take a few pills and try to go back to bed but I ran out a few days ago and haven't bought any more. 

I promised Eugene I would try to quit but if I'm honest, I didn't know I could last that long. Grabbing my phone from the dresser, I sat in a corner of my room, pulling on Eugene's hoodie. He gave it to me, Sunday, and I didn't plan on giving it back. 

"Why is this so hard?" I whispered to myself. 

My thoughts wouldn't stay in one place. It went from how Eugene's hoodie still smelt like him to the fact that my hands were shaking uncontrollably. It was to the point I was talking aloud to myself.

"It wouldn't be so hard for me if I had the pills. Just one. One couldn't do much harm, would it?" I stood up, raking a hand through my hair. My parents were asleep by now but I wasn't really worried about them caring anyway.

"I know Eugene will be mad at me but hopefully he would understand. I needed him to understand."

"I told him from the start I wasn't strong enough. I've only been proving my point. I can't handle the dreams or the reminders. It's too painful." I began pacing the distance of my bed to the door, my phone in my hands.

If I didn't calm down soon, I'd break my phone and possibly have a panic attack.

"So the answer is simple, right? I just take the pills, apologize to Eugene. He'll forgive me. He has to, I mean, I told him I would try. I never said I would succeed.." My eyes found my phone and I slowly unlocked it. Pulling up the contacts, I saw the two names together. My dealer's contact was just the letters "DD".

I'm sure you can imagine what that stood for. 

Drug dealer.

Yeah, I didn't know the guy but he had a good deal.

Underneath that was Eugene's contact.

I didn't want to let Gene down. I knew he believed in me and it was nice having someone put faith in you but I seriously doubt that would last if I go through with this. I put so much effort into keeping clean. Did I want to throw that away tonight?

But am I able to handle the dreams?

I don't know what to do. If
I call the drug dealer, I will have lost all my progress and probably Eugene's support. Let's not forget Gene will probably find some way to get me emitted into a clinic of some sort.

I didn't know what to do at this point. My finger hovered between the two ID's right by the cellphone button.

I guess I just have to choose and see who I end up calling.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath before pressing down. Whichever contact I chose will be the route I take. It'll be up to fate. Slowly, I held the phone to my ear and waited as the phone dialed the number.

When the person picked up, I held my breath, waiting to see who it was.

"Ethan?"