• Absolute •

][ VI ][

I drive silently, my mind replaying the haunting, nagging thoughts and memories that Ezra left behind. Sure, there were barely any, but I knew they would always stick with me and follow me for the rest of my life, whether they be hidden in the back of my mind, or whether they'll be replaying themselves over and over again at three a.m on a lonely, quiet night.

I'll admit: I was in a deep hole that I had dug myself. Maybe it was a grave. Most people say that love is like dying.

The moon had climbed up to the centre of the night sky, hiding behind thin, airy clouds. The road was dark and empty, just like always. I was deep into a daze, my thoughts circling back to the haunting memories and voices that came with them. My body was on autopilot, so when two bright lights appeared and the driver honked loudly at me, I spun into control so quickly I almost did the opposite and fall out of control.

Moving quickly, I veered the car back into the lane it belonged, the driver of the other car angrily cussing at me. I touched two light fingers to my collar bone, my breathing even but erratic at the same time. At the base of my neck, just above my collar bone, I felt it. My heartbeat. So delicate and fragile, but so threatened and frightened; like a bird trapped inside a cage, yearning to get out.

I disapproved that the quick thump, thump, thump, that I felt was the only thing that kept me alive. Who knew? I sort of hated the fact that the only thing that I was alive because of, was so fragile and damageable. I hated that the life that coursed through my veins could easily slip out and drip away. I despised that as strong as we humans thought we were, we were the total opposite. We were weak, fragile and easily disposed of. We were nothing but as fragile as glass coffins for our tired, aging bones. And then, when we died, our tired, aging bones were put into wooden boxes and lain to rest because their feathery bodies - their moulds and cages - broke.

I sighed frustratedly at my stupid, dark thoughts. I hit the steering wheel with one of my fists, the skin on my knuckles slicing open as I accidentally grazed the fingernails of my other hand.

"Fantastic. . ." I uttered. See? The tiny, leering voice in my head said at the same time. I stared down at the scarlet liquid as it begun to run along the bumps of my knuckles, down my middle finger and drip, onto the steering wheel, in a thick, fat drop. I blinked, and returned my eyes back toward the road. "I need to get home. . ." I wondered aloud, trying to keep myself from slipping into one of my moods - the one I was in now - more deeply. Or, from slipping back into my poetic but crazy thoughts.

I managed to get home with a silent mind and no more almost-accidents. The house was dark, the residents, my mother and older brother, fast asleep. I climbed up the stairs as quietly as I could, cringing when a floorboard creaked loudly against my weight.

Opening my room door, I hastily walked to my bed and fell upon it, not even taking off my shoes, or changing out of the cold clothes I wore. My jeans were tight and stiff but I still somehow fell into dream.

. : . : . : . : . : . : . : . : . : . : .

My eyes opened, wide and taking in everything in my surroundings. I was on the road where Ezra had fallen apart, his golden blood spotting the road. It was dark out - still night. The moon was still frozen in place at the very middle of the night sky, stars accenting its pale glow with their own pale twinkle.

I looked down at the noticeable gold spots, and began to follow them like they were a trail of breadcrumbs. They led me across the empty road, my boots making echoing 'thuds' as they slapped the asphalt.

It was cold but I didn't seem to mind it at all, despite wearing only a hoodie with a thin t-shirt underneath. My hair blew in the breeze, that sounded like whispers, tickling my face. I blinked my eyes rapidly, trying to blink away the short strands of hair that flew into them, but was too consumed by the darkness that crept within the forest and the mist that settled among the tightly grown trees.

I took a deep breath, then, stepped into the trees. The world I had just come from - the one with the glowing moon, and sparkling stars - disappeared, and I was left - trapped - within the dimness and eeriness of the forest.

Looking down, I started to follow the trail that Ezra had left behind, again. I followed it over trees roots that sprouted and upturned the earth. I followed the trail of golden over rocks and under large tree branches. Finally, I stopped as the trees cleared out completely, placing me on the edge of a meadow. Peering into the darkness that was only illuminated by the dull, white light of the moon, I say him. Crouching in the centre of the empty field, his head bowed down as if in defeat or sorrow. His bare back was hunched over, his long, dark hair falling around his face to hide the expression that I could only guess was agony.

"Ezra -" I called out and immediately fell silent. He had moved, but not toward me.

He stood up suddenly, arching his back, throwing his head back and staring up at the sky. He cried out, in pure anguish, pain and. . .fear. Without thinking, I ran toward him, crashing through the overgrown grass.

"Ezra! Ezra!" I screamed, but he didn't seem to hear me over his own screaming. I finally reached him, far enough to allow him comfortable space, but close enough that I could see the lines of pain and strain etched into his face. I was close enough to see him gritting his teeth, squeezing his electric eyes closed and the thick vein that pulsed in his neck.

"Ezra. . ." I breathed out but he didn't respond to my voice. I stood there, breathless, in awe and fear, staring up at him as he cried out into the night. Then, just like before, a sick, tearing sound pierced the air just as Ezra yelled out one last time. Golden blood began to run down his back like two rivers, as long, delicate, inky black feathers started to flow out of his back - attached to the arm of his wings - to form and arch into a set of vast, breath-taking ebony wings.

I reached my hand out, taking no caution and then instantly regret it. As soon as I touched the hot, sweaty skin of his shoulder, I was zapped and pulled into darkness so quickly, I didn't even know how to react.

. : . : . : . : . : . : . : . : . : . : .

I sat up in my bed, my whole body sweating and my chest heaving for air.

"Rachel! Honey, wake up!" My mother called from downstairs. I answered her back unconsciously, running a hand through my hair. I had dreamed of Ezra. Was I that deep in?

Shaking my head to clear it of the hazy thoughts, and shuffling to the edge of my bed, I began to get up and start the day. . .when something jabbed and poked my butt.

"Ouch!" I yelled out and stood up immediately, rubbing my bottom. I turned and looked down onto the wrinkled, purple duvet. And then, I stopped - I stopped breathing, blinking and thinking.

There, on my bed, lay a single, elegant, ebony feather.

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