he doesn't realize how hard
it really is for me
when I speak
I get embarrassed
the anxiety takes over in my head
and so do the voices
they scream different things
so when I talk to people
it's hard to focus
I'm trying to not look stupid
"suck in!"
"sit up straight"
"look directly in their eyes"
"don't talk like that; why the fuck did you say that, what the hell is wrong with you?"
"do you think they would care if you killed yourself right in front of you, or would they kick aside your blubborous body?"
fuck
it's so loud inside my head
and on the outside
I'm told it's cute how shy I am
or I should stop being antisocial
I should grow up
sorry about that
not on the verge of a panic attack
or anything drastic like that
not wanting to jump out that window
take that knife and slit my throat
tell you how it hurts when I choke
on the blood spurting from my neck
you don't get it
you will never
ever
understand what it's like
when more than your conscience
is screaming at you
from inside your own mind
with thoughts that aren't familiar
that don't seem to be your own
welcome to my world
welcome to hell, babe.
YOU ARE READING
unrealistic
Non-Fictioni dont see the point anymore what the fuck am i still doing here why do i contemplate the decision when i could just go? everyone would be better off ive seen the pictures together the memories with eachother they have told me i am not apart of any...
