I think about her
a lot
your mind instantaneously thought I meant I was referring to her in a sexual way, didn't it?
well, I'm not
I'm not like that
it's more like she's everything that I've ever wanted to be
but I don't know why I want to be her
so badly
but I think about it all the time
her body isn't fit, isn't healthy
yet she still looks beautiful with no makeup, is under 110 pounds, and can dress however she wants because she's so small
she can drawl on a whim, and tried to think deeper about things constantly
she drinks or gets high during whatever time of day, no matter what day
she even used to drink and smoke at school
nothing hurts her or affects her,
on the inside, probably
she has attempted suicide at least twice now
but still
it's terrible, but I wish I had the thing inside of me to do those things
because I always think of those things
drinking,smoking, etc
because i don't know how else to deal
and sometimes I wish I had the strength to attempt my own suicide even if it failed
it isn't about her really
I'm glad she's alive
I'm not glad she's still damaging herself
but I wish I weren't alive
because if you met her, you would want to remake yourself too
even though you know she is really a bad person
it's hard to want to be a good person
when on the inside
all you want to do
is bad things to yourself
it doesn't make sense
but maybe I'm just so obsessed with her because I don't want to be myself and I idolize to the point I don't know how else to change myself other than looking at others and wanting
their characteristics, qualities
and personalities
to be my own
do you understand?
because I sure don't understand myself.
YOU ARE READING
unrealistic
Non-Fictioni dont see the point anymore what the fuck am i still doing here why do i contemplate the decision when i could just go? everyone would be better off ive seen the pictures together the memories with eachother they have told me i am not apart of any...
