full throttle || h.s. ||

twenty-two || the never-ending headache

the song for this chapter is "Snake," by Lil Keed :)

Harry

     I gripped the edge of the bathroom counter with the roughness I had held back moments before when my hands had previously been wrapped around Finley's neck. 

  "Fucking idiot," I cursed myself with my head lowered down to glare at my knuckles which were growing whiter by the second under the harsh hold I had on the counter.

    I should have killed her. In every aspect of the protocol that the mafia was expected to follow, what I had just done was the biggest 'no-no' of them all.

    Even when I had revealed to her that I had killed more people with my bare hands than I cared to admit, that was crossing a line. 

   But having her literally see the aftermath of a murder I committed? That was absolutely ridiculous.

    I've killed more people for less, and yet, I just let her walk right out the door. I even made sure she got her fucking handbag before she left. 

    Even if she was working with Tommy and Alex, I doubt she knew the extremities of the job description most of us held, especially after seeing the sheer horror on her face when I revealed to her that the blood on that washcloth was from me shooting Miller in the fucking head.

   Sure, I could have lied and said that it was a shaving accident, but then how would I explain my perfectly intact face? Besides, it was way too much blood to pass off as something caused by a shaky hand and a razor.

   There were numerous reasons that I should have killed Finley by now, and I am more than happy to list them off.

   Let's do a quick recap, shall we?

    One. The first party she ever came to, when she wandered down the hall and overheard one of the meetings taking place. Even if she wasn't able to decipher a single word in that conversation, the suspicion on her face alone gave me as a mafia member more than enough cause to end her life right then and there.

  Two. The morning after said party, when she overheard me talking on the phone with Miller and threatening him. I know she thinks I didn't know she was listening, but I wasn't born yesterday. Although, I will give her props for all of her attempted distraction techniques.

  Three. Her driving Alex's damn car. Even if I wasn't in the mafia, my ego alone was nearly enough for me to put a bullet through that menacing little skull of hers.

  Four. Her pulling a gun on me after said race. If she wanted to play with fire, normally, I would have been more than happy to add a little gasoline to the flames. But, just like all of the previous incidents, I hesitated.

  And last, but not least. Five. Her hearing me verbally admit that I had committed a murder, and her seeing the evidence to prove it. 

  Time and time again, Finley James had given me plenty of probable cause to kill her. And time and time again, I refrained from doing so.

  It wasn't like I had a crush on her or a soft spot. I truly meant it when I said that I hated her. 

   But there was just something so unprecedented about her entire existence. The things she did, the words she said...even something as simple as the way she looked at you was like something that had never been done before.

   And perhaps it was the fact that she was a surprise in her entirety that made me keep sparing her life each moment I should have taken it.

   Maybe after a moment of clarity, I would come to my senses, find her, and end this nonsense once and for all.