𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐄'𝐒 𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋.ʜᴀɴᴊɪ ᴢᴏᴇ̈

『37』Anger

XXXXXXXX, XXXX XX, XXX at XX:XX

----------------------------------------------------------

At first everything was blurry, and your eyes wouldn't focus on anything through the small window you managed to create for yourself -your eyelids feeling as heavy as sandbags as you forced them open in a struggle. Your entire vision was saturated in a warm orange, and ever so faintly to your left side could you feel a gentle breeze that tickled some parts of your exposed skin in a cool, gentle kiss of contact. You couldn't help the smile that played at your lips, everything just felt right and at ease -or perhaps peaceful would better suit the atmosphere surrounding you.

'Serene,' you decided, 'That's what this is. A complete, true feeling of serenity.'

Your entire body felt energized, yet worn down with the fatigue of regeneration -and it was only when you tried to shift yourself around a bit that you realized just how tired you actually were in that moment.

Yet despite that -as soon as your vision cleared and you realised where you were and why- you jolted up in what you could only assume was some sort of hospital bed. Images flashed through your head, the last moments of the fifty-seventh expedition sticking to the forefront of your mind while you squeezed your eyes shut as if it would make the vivid pictures fade away -and it didn't take you long to figure out that that only made it worse. So then you tore your eyes open, desperately searching the room for some clue as to where they were with wide, frenzied eyes. Your stomach sank in the realisation that Gunther was truly gone, that Petra and Oluo were no longer here to bicker playfully -because you weren't naïve, you had seen the injuries they had received and already knew very well that there was no way that they could've been saved, no matter how much you vehemently wished for it to not be so.

All you had left out of the four of them was Eld.

It was only when a blob at your beside jostled awake that you noticed that you weren't alone in the room, and as soon as they took notice that you were conscious their eyes widened, "(Y/N)!" Hanji yelled in concern, grabbing onto your one forearm gently in an attempt to calm you, "What's wrong, are you in pain?!"

She sat at your bedside on a chair, partially hanging about half of her body onto the cushiony mattress until you had jostled about. Her hair looked even more dishevelled than usual, the hair framing her cinnamon hues that were underlined by thick, dark streaks of a black sleep deprivation through her glasses' lens -and not too far off from her side was a book that you knew was one that the two of you had read together at one point. But you couldn't bring yourself to dwell on that for too long when there were more pressing matters playing at your mind, "Where is he? Where's Eld?" you quickly asked, "What about Eren, did that fucking bitch take him?!" At the end your voice broke off in a cough, the sudden strain too much for your vocal chords after not having spoken in who knows how long, 'Eld's the last one left, where is he? Does he still have to go through his duties? Did Levi force him to do training today? Where the fuck is he?!'

The woman's bagged eyes became more downcast, a frown tugging at her lips momentarily before they turned into more of a flatline, "Eren was retrieved by Levi and is safe within the Walls, but (Y/N)..."

You felt your mouth dry, and tried to manoeuvre yourself closer for her to only put a hand to your shoulders for you to lay back down and get rest, "Hanji, please." you begged, pleading hues boring into her own, "I need to know."

"Honey, he's..."

When she trailed off you remained silent, choosing to allow her to fill the void -and hopefully with the answer that you wanted as well, although it wasn't looking too brightly in your favour so far.