RAYMOND: Everything bothers me. Sounds. Too many freaking sounds. A thump is traumatic. I need the silence but they listen. They thump and they listen and I can't move but I won't surrender. I won't surrender to the pollution.
You look like someone I know, someone I don't like very much. You have one of those faces. You go into the category of faces I don't like. You have a grim face, with serious beady eyes and you look so angry. You look like a bitch face, like someone who is mean and nasty. Like someone who is rude and above everyone else. Like someone who thinks the sun shines out of their ass.
Do you like to shine? (he smiles)
(pause.)
It just got awkward, didn't it? You can take what I say a few different ways. One way is to be angry at me, another way is to feel sad and another is to simply chuck it off like I never even said those things.
(pause.)
There's that silence again. I bet you're looking at me like I'm pretty strange, like when is this monologue going to end, right?
It never ends, no, no, it never ends...
You will have to shoot me or call the police? (laughs) Oh relax! Lighten up, I'm only joking...about all of it, okay? Better?
So, I live with these people who make these sounds and they thump and bang and curse and blame and it's all so very much to tolerate, don't you think? I like my quiet...I am a quiet person and clean, I am a very clean person, I always make sure I wipe real good...everything, the stove, the kitchen cabinets, my desk, the toilet...bet you thought I was going to go raw on you, didn't you?
These people I'm surrounded by are giving me trauma and I need silence...well, past tense, they were giving me trauma, so I decided to bury them, not bury them but remove them from the living...is that better? I'm trying to talk better because during this monologue I'm also thinking in the back of my mind that I'm not polite enough, so in real time, I've decided to make the adjustment because I don't think it fair for me to insult you or throw profanity in your face.
Do you have any idea what to make of all my babble? Like, who am I and what I want and what I'm doing here...do we want to go in for the existential crises...isn't that so overdone already...ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...
Was that a good enough confession? Sort of indirect and light but I went there for you as proof of admittance. I did the deed, here I am, so sign me up.
Joseph Arnone
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Monolougues
RandomAll the monologues you'll need for your auditions or to test your skill. From joker to little women to birds of prey to even Shakespeare and so much more here's everything you'll need.
