Listen. Listen. Listen, the night of the carnival, she said she wanted to go meet up with this guy she met online, okay? He's some fuckin' jock, he's from a conservative family, and they were talking and texting. They've been texting for weeks. And when I say texting, I don't just mean regular fuckin' texting. They were sexting.
Side note, very nice dick. Very clean room. She never fucking saw his face.
Now hear me out. So the night of the carnival, she made plans with this guy to meet up with him at the lake, okay? I fucking go home. Next thing I know, she's fucking knocking at my window. She's all emotional, she's got fucking tears in her eyes. I say, Jules, what the fuck happened? She looks at me. She goes... "He didn't look like his pictures."
No, but do you know what his name was?
Tyler. As is in Tyler Clarkson.
And Maddy is 17, Tyler's 22, and they fornicated. Statutory. Yeah. You saw it, I saw it. We all fucking saw it. Including Nate. And what is a lighter offense than statutory? Assault.
But Listen, why would Nate single out Jules in the first place? It's obvious he was sexually attracted to her. And because Jules is predominantly hot, okay, he wooed her with his, uh, fucking creepy jock magic shit. She's super fuckin' sensitive, she's very forgiving, and she's basically the most wonderful fucking person on the planet... she fell for him. That's why she fucking testified. I'm a genius. I'm a fucking genius. Hey, Mom! I'm a fucking genius. I'm not even tired. It's crazy. I'm not even fucking tired. I feel amazing.
By Ron Lesham
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Monolougues
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