Life Of A Fuck-Up

Hero Raccoon's betrayal

CHAPTER TWELVE [F-U#12]

"T.M."

"Fucking hell, Toll. You sound like you just lost a thousand money." I burst out laughing, hearing the fucker's voice.

"Shut up."

"No way in fucking hell!" Placing the phone between my shoulder and my head, I stalked towards Big turd's homeland while looking like a fine-ass mom. (While laughing of course)

"T.M." He warned. And you know, I couldn't really help the absolute ugly laughter that i produced. Because holy fuck, he sounds hilarious. "How's that emo braces going for you? Your fucking voice, I swear. It sounds like you have a pacifier in your mouth." Doubling over, I clutched my stomach because from the corner of my fucking eye i saw Big turd slip.

"Y-you know what? D-don't answer shit. Why are you- you even calling me at three in the fucking morning? Not like i don't like it." I composed my useless self and glanced at Big turd to send him a 'Homeland my ass' look. (To which he gave me a 'Says the one who lives in a literal shit hole' look)

"I need you to come to A-Four."

"Shit boy, first date at your workplace? I don't think that's how you flatter a fucking lady."

"You definitely aren't a lady."

"Fuck you."

"Language." I heard Toll sigh and mumble a 'This is getting nowhere' to which i fucking laughed at like a petty bitch. SUFFER MY LADY WRATH, MERE MALE MORTAL! "Besides, you have to try harder than that pathetic attempt in reeling me the fuck in. I'm not doing shit without some mon-mons, you know? This bitch broke, darling. Broke." I grinned at Big turd who rolled his eyes at me.

I mouthed to him.

Raised this Slytherin bitch myself

To which he promptly mouthed back with a raised brow. This sassy-ass bitch-

People know you're a Hippogriff

Let's face it, what the fucker just said was all but the truth. Which made it the more 'strong' in hitting my shitty defense. Pouting at his smug smirk, Mommy Pig continued to cut the potatoes. Damn bitch, how long is it to cut them potatoes?

Did you know, Peppa Pig was a savage-ass bitch? I mean, at one episode she asked what an attic was. Being a great grandpapa, Grandpa Pig answered her with an answer that honestly the pig could have fucking thought twice about. He said: 'It's where we keep all our old things.'

Pretty normal, right? But oh my fuck that savage bitch Peppa Pig answered that made me choke on my cereal when watching. She fucking said: 'Like you, Grandpa Pig?' (Honestly, it was more of a statement. The thought cracked me up in more ways than one!)

Like bitch, I was so hooked up i was laughing till the people above my fucking house started getting scared for hearing creepy-ass laughter at one in the morning.

The more you know.

Yes, I watch Peppa Pig at one in the morning. Try me, bitch. Never have i felt so childish while running away from the police too! Oh wait, that's every-fucking-day!

Shit! The call! Damn you Peppa! Trying to fucking ruin me again with your comebacks to Daddy Pig! (That pig is honestly so fucking strong to keep dealing with her 'fat' comebacks. I would have made them-)

"No."

"Choke on said fats!"

"...What?" Whoops! I fucking accidentally said that outloud when i heard Toll's voice. Not my fault his voice can snap the trance of one Sleeping Beauty. Obviously i'm the beauty. (flipping my non-existent long hair) Oshena, let's get back to real life. Hi, my name is Beast. Mr. Beast. (FEAR ME)