CHAPTER EIGHT [F-U#8]
Click! Clack!
Is that the fucking sound of Satan in stilettos?
Click! Clack! Bang!
"Oh for fu- augh!"
I guess Satan ran like fucking hell!
I should fucking worry about not being able to register the fucking world properly, huh?
As much as i would love that, I need to know as to why there's a fluffy-ass thing below me! It feels like a fucking cloud! Wait a fucking minute...Satan in stilettos, the banging, and the fluffy cloud that's fucking below me...oh shit!
"Oh shit indeed, Mr. En, oh shit indeed."
I fucking said that outloud?
"Yes, yes you did." Said the fucking voice that i heard a million fucking times.
Welp, looks like i'm in deep fucking shit, darlings! (not surprised there!) And i'm fucking telling you, it is definitely not mud!
Sitting up from the fucking cloud, that i now know is my bedroom bed!
A FUCKING HOSPITAL BED!
MY FUCKING HOSPITAL BED!
FUCKING HAZAAR!
"Care to tell me what the fuck, happened to you, Mr. En? My bet for today is following swans into Lake Holagoon and being the idiot that you are, forgot that you are not a swan." Her fucking tone got darker at the fucking end, like your armpits!
Finally, fucking finally, getting my shit together, I adjusted my choker and grinned.
Staring at the tall-ass octopus, I moved my legs to form the fucking 'angel sit,' (or was that its real fucking name?) like the little innocent angel that i fucking am.
I have a fucking feeling that you bitches don't believe the last part, do you?
Well then! FUCK. YOU!
"Why hello there, Octo-drina!" I greeted fucking happily. Considering that i just saw her a few days ago, I made sure to butter up my words, even though i fucking knew that i couldn't escape her wrath.
I will gladly fucking eat elephant shit, just to fucking prove my fucking point!
Elephant shit is large. Fucking looks like a boulder or some shit that you see at some Indiana Jones treasure hunting movies with those titty traps. (yes, you fucking heard that right. It's titty, not fucking shitty traps) I'm both proud and impressed at humanity for reusing and making paper out of those!
Better than nature, I fucking guess!
No really, better than fucking nature. Why? Because i'm one-hundred percent sure darlings, that fifty-percent or even ninety-nine percent of that sweet fucking karma...WILL GO TO WHO?
TO FUCKING ME!
When you darlings see me again, I'll be bent over Mother Nature's legs, with my fucking ass seen in full view!
Above my thick globes, you'll fucking see a belt made out of water!
What? Water fucking hurts you know?!
Try dropping out of a fucking plane and landing on the fucking ocean! Believe me darlings, (even though it feels like believing a fucking liar, which means, LIES!) it fucking hurts like a bitch.
"I can tell, Mr. En. From what you're babbling on about, and from my fucking personal experience with you, I can very much tell, that you are absolutely, one-hundred percent, a complete airhead and a lunatic." Octo-drina sighed, stalking towards my bed, and proceeded to fucking stand beside me.
YOU ARE READING
Life Of A Fuck-Up
HumorPsst! Stop for awhile. Stop those negative thoughts of yours. Worthless? Waste of space? Villain? Criminal? Slut? Pshhh! You don't need to listen to those! That's why i'm here, after all! Come with me, join me. No, this is not some cult or anythin...
