Life Of A Fuck-Up

In which the beginning, is probably my end!

"Fuck!"

STITCHEDMOUTH CREATES:

Ok, I know. Not the best way to start this shit. But did you honestly expect less than drama? Bitch, it's my life.
I basically revolve around it like the earth is to the sun.

Beep Beep!

Before any of you fuckers ask, yes, it is an alarm clock.

"Stop right there!"

THE EVER FIRST FUCKING BOOK

And no, this is not the scene in which the "protagonist" wakes up and sits on the bed. If you thought that would happen here, well you can go say bye-bye to normalcy. Add a 'fuck you' to it too.

"How about a no, darling!"

LIFE OF A FUCK-UP:
CHAPTER ONE [F-U#1]

You are probably confused, huh? Don't worry, I'll explain. The one who sounded like a total laid-back bitch is me. The whining bastard is a policeman. How the hell did this happen! It's not like sneaking into a police station and putting lingerie in the pockets of sleeping officers was a crime, right?

Well, add "decorating" the inside to the list. What i mean by that, was super-gluing naked pictures of their boss to the wall. I did it to help them! Promise! Their fucking boss was cheating on his wife! Justice must be served!

I'm running away from one of the policemen in there. Unfortunately, someone woke up and saw me in the process of making some coffee. Still could not believe that no-one caught me putting up the decor though.

"In alley-1032, need back-up! I'm going to catch this bitch for what's been happening around the station!"

Bitch?! How dare he! I'm the only one that can call me that! Oh yeah, did i forget to tell you?
I've been doing this for awhile. I even placed clues in my "harmless" fun, to reveal their boss! Too bad they're all dense. I even wonder if only air fills those heads of theirs! The clues were so fucking easy! Even a four-year old can tell what's happening!

"Did you like your upgraded station?
I think it was better than before!"
I yelled at him. So far, I haven't been caught. It was around two in the morning. Sleep is not in my schedule! Don't you know that you can do many things instead of sleeping?!

I rounded a corner and the angel who is guarding me today must be done with me! Because there, at the other side of the narrow alleyway, was three fucking policemen! Fuck! I didnt expect them to be this fast!
They must be really desperate to catch me!

I mean, who doesn't? I'm hot.

Put that as my epitaph, am i right?
Ok, not the time. I am about to get caught and possibly put to jail here, and that's what i think?
Pretty normal.

"My, my, you dipshits really are desperate to catch little old me!"

I know fully well that this is the end of me. Oh! Please tell my friends and family that i'll miss them and to not eat my fucking oats in the freezer!
Oh yeah, I don't have some! And it is not the oats, I'll tell you that.

I skipped to a halt and positioned my hands in a surrendering way.
I'd put it on a T-pose to try and intimidate them like those online.
But, the alleyway was too narrow so, FUCK YOU ALLEY!

"Come with us and we won't hurt you!" One of the three policemen said.
Yeah right, your face tells me otherwise!

"Sorry, darling! I don't come with just about anyone and anywhere if you know what i mean." I wiggled my eyebrows to add more effect.
Never pass an opportunity to be more extra! This is our lesson for today!