True Survivor (James Yammouni Fanfic)

Chapter 26

Allys POV

I opened my eyes, and squinted at the bright lights. Everything was so white. Then realisation hit me, I was in hospital. No I couldn't be here, I don't deserve to be here anymore, I was the one who practically sent Jack to suicide. Maybe if I close my eyes, it will be all a dream and I won't be lying in a hospital bed. So thats what I did, closed my eyes and hoped to god this was all a dream, but my hopes were shortly cut off when I heard a door open, so I opened my eyes to see a doctor dressed in white. Did I ever mention, how much I hated the colour white?

"Ah Alison, you are awake. I'm Doctor Carlile" He said, but I just stayed silent and I looked at him again, and I realised he was here the last time I was here, just over 8 months ago. Its crazy to think, that I was clean for 8 months, I was starting to enjoy life more, but then that all got ripped from me when I caused Jack to leave this world, he held so many of my memories. I remember talking to him one night, when I was starting to feel like I did, he understood what I was going on about, I told him, I wanted to end it all before it got worse but he talked me out of it but after weeks of life getting worse I just turned to self harm, but I had Jack there for me, now I don't.

"Do you know why you are in here?" I just shook my head, after shoving the letter at Luke everything was a massive blur

"Well you have been out for almost 2 days, you lost a lot of blood. If no one had found you, then you wouldn't have made it"

"I shouldn't be here" I whispered, then I looked to my side to see a monitor and then a blood transfusion bag hanging from a pole.

"Why?" he said

"I was the one who sent my best friend to suicide. He killed himself because I left him in a pool of depression" I said, I cringed at saying this.

"Your frends outside have explained everything to me, I remember him from a few years ago when he was in here. He wasn't stable at all, but then after many months of therapy, medication he was relieved of everything, but from what I've been told, he had gone back to his old ways, and it wasn't your fault Ally, nothing or nobody could have saved him from what he was going through" I just nodded, still not satisfied with what he was telling me. If he had come to me about how he was feeling then I wouldn't be in this fucked up mess, but no I ruined his life.

"Ally, would you like to see your friends?" Dr Carlile asked, I just nodded not being able to form a sentence without breaking down in tears. The doctor walked out and then five familiar faces showed up. I just smiled weakly before looking down at the state of my arms, I had stitches and there was still dry blood on my arms.

"Ally?" James whispered, I just looked at him, he was a mess. His eyes were bloodshot, hair dishevelled, tear stains down his cheeks and he looked like he hadn't slept for days. His eyes were glistening from unshed tears, and I just lost it. My tears fell hard and fast. James looked at the boys who just nodded before walking out giving us some time alone together

"I am so sorry James" I said through sobs

"You have nothing to be sorry for Ally. None of this is your fault, like the doctor said, nobody would have been able to save him" he said

"why are you here? What about your mix?" 

"I bought it back with me, as soon as I heard what had happened, I caught the first flight back here. I was so scared Ally, that I had lost you. My mind was going crazy, putting all these things in my mind, which I didn't want to believe" He said, while placing his forehead against mine. I felt so bad, his tears had stopped falling but mine kept rolling down my face and I most likely looked like shit.

James started wiping away my tears with the pad of his thumb, the tears started to slow down and I flicked my eyes down to his lips before looking back in his eyes, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine, I had longed for this feeling, we had only kissed a few times, enought to count on two hands, but I knew I would never get sick of feeling his lips agaisnt mine. Our kiss was cut short when there was a knock and someone walking in, James held my hand as Doctor Carlile started talking

"Ally, you are going to be kept in for a few more days. We just want to monitor you, nothing serious. You will be staying in this room, so you can have private times with friends and family" he said, I just nodded at him again. He wrote something down in a file, before placing the file on the side table and leaving James and I alone again.

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Today I had been in hospital for 3 days, and thankfully I was getting out of here tomorrow. James and the boys had been coming and going to see if I was okay. Which I was. Whenever James was here, he would be editing his mix for tour, which was now just under 3 weeks. Also my birthday is in a week, and James is going to be here for it and to sit with me through my wrist tattoos, which thanks to Jai has already been booked. I was getting it done on my actual birthday and I am so excited to be getting it done.

Today was just the same as any other day, or so I thought. The boys were here this morning, cheering me up and James and I had a bit of  alone time, which just included us talking and kissing quite a bit. But he still managed to keep me happy, Dr Carlile had been talking to me quite a lot as well and I was thankful for him, I was looking out the window in my room when the door knocked

"Come in" I shouted

"I have someone here for you Alison" I turned round and my mother was stood there. The nurse left and I just stared at her

"What do you want?" I asked harshly

"How could you?" she whisper-yelled

"How could I what mum?" I asked confused, walking away from the window and sitting on my bed, she watched my every move and that was one thing I hated.

"Jack. He is gone because of you. After everything he did for you, and this is how you repay him, by leaving him. He came to my house, gave me a note and walked away. I was confused until I read the note. He explained everything to the smallest of details. His parents were round at the house, crying uncontrollbly and its all because of you. Nobody mattered to you after you were happy, you didn't give a shit about no one. Your sister has nearly finished her first year of high school, the same one you went to and do you know how hard it is for her to say to her teachers what kind of sister you are to her. She called you a let down, and me and your father agreed with her. You are a let down to this whole family, your grandparents wonder where you are but I made up an excuse that you had moved to a different state for college and they believe me. It should have been you Ally" she said angrily. I was shocked, I wanted to cry. My own mother wanted me gone from this world.

"How could you fucking say that? I am your daughter for fucks sake, and you want me gone. Well I can tell you now that, if you want me gone then thats what I will do. Because I fucking hate you all so much" I shouted, but only loud enough for her to hear

"Good. I NEVER want to see you ever again, and I'm glad you are suffering" she said, before walking out my room. I sat there, nothing had processed until she slammed the door shut, the tears fell once again. I hated her for all this, I sat there absentmindedly picking at the stitches on my arm, wishing they would come out so I could feel something. But  it wasn't working.

She wanted me gone. My own fucking mother, but I wasn't going to end it, because I had a boyfriend and 4 other best friends I could rely on and thats when I realised, I had my next tattoo planned out.

On the side of my arm- 'You bleed just to know you're alive'

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This is awful, I'm sorry x

Can anyone reference the lyrics 'You bleed just to know you're alive'? It is one of my favourite songs and one of my favourite bands covered it

Anyway, thank you for reading, we have over 400 votes, thats insane. Thank you

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