Dragonfly... A book of poems

My After Hell Story

Come sit down for a minuet,

I have something to say,

Please don't speak,

This isn't easy to say,

You may not want to hear me,

But I need to say it.

I'm trapped in a lie,

I didn't even say it.

My life has been a war,

I've tried to be brave,

After he hurt us,

I did nothing but blame me.

I felt worthless and wanted to hide.

I escaped into my little room,

The one inside my mind,

Locked my self away to protect myself.

I couldn't cope with, "After Hell."

I sculpted a smile so you couldn't tell.

In my room I've lived in fear.

Made it sound proof till I couldn't hear.

My auto pilot stuck in gear.

I copied you when you were near.

A sudden light in side my room,

And then someone appeared.

He held out his hand and stood there,

I took a hold and the walls vanished,

We went for a walk and heaven appeared.

For a moment, I wasn't scared.

Every time I let go the walls were there.

One day the door came open.

The voices crept in though the cracks,

I tried to shut it back.

Slowly it opened and I tried to leave,

I found you there and you hated me.

Because my actions reflected your own,

Again I needed someone to save me.

Alas, no knight to save me,

As it was before,

I had to save me,

The power hidden inside me,

slowly to awaken,

First those voices haunted me.

I had to stop crying.

I had to make it quiet,

I had to let it go.

Till one day I could hear what they said.

What I found were recorded messages,

Of all the times I wasn't good enough.

It wasn't enough, I was fighting,

It wasn't enough I wasn't healthy,

It wasn't enough I let you have me,

I did everything you asked,

Even after I saved the family.

As your hero, I wasn't good enough.

I pushed your opinion out of me.

And said to hell with what you believe.

I didn't need you then.

Why would I need you now?

Now I'm in control and resisting.

With all you fighting me, it scares you.

The lie was I needed you to be happy.

But happiness lies inside of me.

The truth is, I love you all.

And I thank you for all you did.

Listen when I say I'm not broken.

I refuse to hide any more.

From now on I will be free.

And I will learn how to love me.

I'm done with your hell,

I just want to be happy.

How about it, after all I've done,

Are you going to let me?