new home

Charpter 1

(⚠️TRIGGER WORNING⚠️)
(Includes mentions of abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts, very mild anxiety)

I sit on my bedroom floor thinking about why I'm even still here, I feel like I'm a burden to %99 of people, I know I should just go, I wouldn't be here anymore, I look under my bed and see the knife that I keep under there I go into the bathroom, lock the door, and I start to dig it into my arm, letting out a little sound of pain but not liud enough for anyone to hear and I carry on. once i finished i go back to my room and out it away.

I think about one of my best friends Wilbur, and I think about every time I've lied to him about how I am every time he asks me "how are you Tommy" in his cheerful voice I always lie and say "I'm good" or "I'm fine" but in reality I'm not. I just want to tell him how I feel and about what I do I myself and what I think about myself, but everyone who I've told always seems to leave me...

When I told my parents about how I feel and that sometimes I cut myself or burn myself my farther looked at me and said " I always knew you where a worthless piece of shit, you're week, you can't handle your own emotions, you're no son of mine."

That way 5 years ago back when I was 11 and everyday since then he would come home from the pub and abuse me, I'm like him punching bag and I can't do anything to stop him, he's one of the reasons that I'm unmotivated everyday because he's right, I am a worthless piece of shit and they should be ashamed of me they deserve a better son then me.

I just want to tell Tubbo or Wilbur but I know if I do, they will start to worry about , ask if I'm okay every time I speak to them and treat me differently to how they do right now, that's if they don't leave me Which they probably will do if I ever told them, good thing I'm never going to no matter what happens.

As my dad says I deserve the pain and the stuff he does to me because of how weak I am he's teaching me to be stronger... right...?

Oh shoot I forgot I'm meant to be talking to Wilbur right now. I hope he's not mad, I hate it when I make him mad or upset.

I got up off the floor and jump on my gaming chair and start to load up my PC. I login to discord and see Wilbur talking to Tubbo. Did Wilbur get bored and go talk to someone else? I'm not good enough for him anyway, he deserved a better friend, one that remembers the promises they make, I message Wilbur on discord to see if he still want to VC with me.

You
Yo still wanna VC?
It's fine if not I see you talkin
to tubbo so it's up to you
Wilbur
Yeah join when you wanna
Me and tubbo just chillin

I joined their VC, turn my camera on and I hear Wilbur talking for about 2 seconds then it all goes quiet, they were both looking at me kind of concerned and worried at the same time. "What's wrong guys?" I said I was getting a bit scared at this point, did I do something wrong? What did I do? I hope their not mad at me.

"Tommy... what's on your arm...?" I hear Wilbur say I quickly turn off my camera "oh that? That's nothing don't worry about that?" I forgot to put my jacket on before I turned my camera on. Does that mean they saw all of my scars on my arm? Oh no this isn't going to be good...

(Hey guys hope you enjoyed the first part I know it's not that good yet but I'm trying to get it better and it will get better I have to many plans for this story the next part will be Wilbur POV before and up to this point of the story then it'll go back to Tommy's but it'll all be relevant in the story so don't worry! Hope you all enjoyed!)

(725 words)