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Chapter 16

(TW)
(Mentions of self-harm, mentions of abuse

*tommy POV*

I watched as wilbur pulled up outside of the cemetery in his back BMW i walked over and get in and an uncomfortable silence settles into the car as we drove back, i was dreading the next 45 minutes, i had pulled my sleeves up of my jumper when I was sitting by the grave so now the bandages and all the cuts are on show to wilbur, but of cause he didn't mention it, well, now yet anyway,

We sit there for a few minutes and we get onto the motorway (highway) "will, I'm sorry for yelling at you I shouldn't-" I burst out before he cuts me off "no Tommy, it's fine, you don't need to apologise to me" then no one says anything again, I really hate all of these god awful car rides, when we just sit in silence, so I put the radio on and come true by khai dreams came on, will knows me and he knows I like this big so he turns the radio up and puts it on full blast.

At that moment as him and i where singing it at the top of our lungs it was like I was watching myself from a different perspective, like I was in 3rd person, I was watching myself smiling for the first time, and it was a genuine smile not one of my forced ones that I put on for everyone on the daily, so people don't worry, even if that's not working out as well as I used to.

The song came to the end and will turning down the radio and now is the part I have been dreading for ages, it's time for 'the talk' I hate them, I hate talking about it, like why can't people just leave me alone and let me deal with my own shit? As soon as someone finds out about anything about you, or in my case my self harm and abuse, they act differently, they might just be acting the same way and I'm probably overthinking it, i don't know man

"Tommy are you listening to me?" I got pulled out of my thought by wilbur "huh? Sorry I zoned out, what's up?" I replied "Tommy" he said as he pulled over the car "we need to talk"

Oh god, then four words are the ones I've been dreading for ages, I hate them words, it's member anything good when people some it like that, I hate this so fucking much, I pushed them thought out my head "okay...?" "Tommy, are you okay?" He asked with a sorrowful look in his eyes "yeah... I mean.... no, I guess I'm not" I hate putting myself out there like this but I know will won't let this go if I lie to him, he know my lying voice. "Tommy can we just talk? Or something? Please man" he said trying to make eye contact

I was shaking but it wasn't that bad, not like an anxiety attack or anything so I'm fine for now I guess, just shaking it could be worse, I've been worse I can do this. I keep telling myself that, will puts him hand on my shoulder, and I jump back, making me look stupid

You're nothing

You're worthless

You're a coward

You're friends hate you

There here out of pity

No one likes you

No one loves you

I try to push thoughts out of my head as will just tries to reassure me that no ones going to hurt me, I hate it when people touch my now, it's my mother and farther fault, they have broke me, I'm broken, is there any point in pushing the thoughts away? I mean,,, there probably right so...

"Tommy, look at me" he said picking up my chin making me look at him "do you want to just talk? About anything, dosen't have to be about what happened back there if you don't to, it's up to you but let's just talk for a bit okay?" He said wiping away my tiers, i didn't even realise I was crying until now, I'm so week, they are right, they always are.

"Will..." I tried to say as I started to break into sobs "i-I'm sorry o-okay?" " you have nothing to be sorry for" "I-I yelled at you, y-you where try t-to help m-me" " Tommy, can I ask you one thing?" I hummed so he knew I heard him "who was this person you said that knew? You said they are your person"

I sighed and my tears started to stop falling, I sat there wondering if I should tell him or not, I mean, would he be mad that I told Schlatt about it and not him or Tubbo? I don't even know if they like Schlatt "i- promise y-you won't get m-mad?" "Tommy I promise you, you can trust me okay, no one is going to get mad at you, I promise you that for sure" I thought for a second "um... okay... we-well you know Schlatt?" "Is he your person Tommy?" He asked making eye contact with me "y-yeah... I'm sorry will..." I said as I looked down at my wrists, they where rubbing together making them get friction burns, i don't know how long I've been doing that for but I don't want to stop, at least this way I don't feel numb...

"Tommy... I'm not mad b-but why Schlatt?" He said to me "I don't know, he-he just makes me feel safe you know?" "I thought you felt safe with me?" I do feel safe with him but at the same time I don't, it was hard to explain, I love Wilbur and I trust him with my life, but- I don't know. "I-I do will but with Schlatt it's different" "o-okay, it's the okay Tommy, see? Like I said, no ones mad okay?" He said in a smoothing voice

"Do you want to talk about anything else?"
I do but I'm scared, I want to express how I feel to him but that would make me look week again and i hate it when I look week, maybe I should though, maybe he could help me? "There is b-but i don't know how to say it"

Will saw what I was doing to my wrists, making them get friction burns and hitting them together, and he grabbed my writs and pulled me into a hug,

"Tommy..."

A/N
OOOOOH CLIFFHANGER BOI
Hope u guys enjoyed might post another tonight probably not tho lol I'll probably be reading some Wilbur fan fic coz there food and me gusta so ya

Hope ur all doing good remember to stay healthy!