new home

chapter 4

A/N im gonna start from this chapter onwards putting music to listen to as you read.

(TW)
(Self-harm, talks of abuse, panic attacks,  anxiety, mentions of self harm)

this song is 'im not enough and im sorry' by snow and teqkoi enjoy :)

"oh hey Wilbur, don worry about it" i said in between sobs and breaths "Tommy its okay, i'm here for you but i need you to tell me who was that?" my hart started racing when he said that, I cant tell him, he will leave me, like Tubbo, "oh that? that wasn't anyone don't worry about it will... where did Tubbo go?" I asked trying to change the subject "Tubbo said that he couldn't watch what just happened then he just left..." he said in a sorrowful voice. I hesitated for a moment thinking about what I should say next I manage to find some word and say "h-he left me?"

i feel my breathing speeding up rapidly, i zoned out getting lost in my thoughts, my best friend just left me. Tubbo just left me, the boy i would talk to everyday. he was like my little brother, Wilbur being like my older brother and Phil like a farther figure to me since my real one clearly isn't the sort of man i would go to when i need advise or have a problem or something like that. but my little brother just left me after he saw all that. i suddenly hear Wilbur talking to me "Tommy? did you hear me?" i get snapped back into reality, he must of been able to tell that i was scared so he tried to reassure me by saying that Tubbo isn't leaving me but it doesn't work, i feel like i cant breath. will must have been able to tell that i was having some sort of panic attack because he starts to tell me to breath slower with him "Tommy listen to me okay? Tubbo nor i are going to leave you so you don't need to worry okay? just breath with me okay Tommy? in... and out... in... and out..." i start to do it with will and it starts to work.

after about 5-10 minuets o this i finally regain control of my breathing even if im still shaking like mad but i try to ignore it "Tommy, i don't want to push you too far but i need you to tell me what just happened and why you did that to you're arm okay?" will said in a calming voice "will... i don't know if i can, it wont be good if he finds out, i cant..." i say in a shaking voice "can you at least put your camera on for me so i can see that you're okay?" "i-i guess" i say knowing hat its just going to bring up a lot more questions but i do it anyway, its sort of like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders knowing hat i can talk to someone about it if i needed to even if he only know some of it. "Tommy... are you okay bud?" he asked as i put my camera on.

at this point i feel incredibly voluble because i already know hes going to start laughing at me, he could see all of my cuts that i did on my arm, all my old and some new scars from the past times, the blood on my forehead from my farther as he smashed the bottle down stairs, the new bruise coming up n my cheek from when i got slapped and my bright red throat from when he had me up against the wall. i looked terrible, i was just waiting for him to start laughing at me for being so week as my farther liked to put it, we sat in silence for about 30 seconds.

"its not as bad at it looks" i said to will as i gave him a week smile my face hurting when i smiled from the bruise. he just stared at me after a few more seconds had passed he said "Tommy please tell me, who did this? or at least why you did that to your self? please Tommy i'm worried for you, if you don't tell me something i'm coming to you're house." that was the last thing i wanted because then my dad would know that someone know and who knows what he would do to me if he found out about will knowing.

i sat here thinking about what to say and i can feel my whole body shaking and by the look on Wilburs face he could see me shaking as well, after a minuet i manage to say "you have to promise me you're not going to tell anyone about any of this will okay? not Tubbo, not Phil, not clay, not Eret, not even Sam. no one can find out any of this will okay? please just promise me that." i say as tiers start to roll down my face. "Pommy, you don't need to worry okay? i promise you, i wont tell anyone, you have my word, as long as you talk to me and tell me whats going on okay Tommy? i'm worried for you right now Tommy,,,"

i start to explain to him about the cuts on my arm

"it started about 6 years ago when i was 10, it would just be scratches but not hard so that by the time i got home after school or when i woke up the next morning they would be gone, like it never happened, when and i was like this until i tuned 11 then it started to turned into actual cuts, and that when the scars start to show up, my school started to notice but i just denied it all and acted like nothing was wrong, i wanted to tell them everything but i was scared that they would tell my dad and i wasn't going to tell them about what my dad did, it slowly started to get worse and worse, most of the time it would just be stuff like scratching my skin or pinching my arm and stuff like that but sometimes when it get too bad i get my knife that i keep under my bed a use that like tonight..."

i just burst into tiers i hear Wilbur say "Tommy, do you want to meet up in 2 day time so on... Friday and u can spend the weekend at my house if you want to as well, its up to you Tommy, and we could talk about this in person" he says "i- sure"

A/N 2 chapters in 1 day!!! the ending of this chapter was a rushed but i managed to finish it just in time ill post the next part tomorrow afternoon

(1160 words)