new home

Chapter 17

(TW)
(Mentions of self harm, eating disorder, throwing up, anorexia)

My body began to freeze up, i don't know why, it's not like he doesn't know about it, i guess it's because he's never seen me doing it before.

"Will.. I-I- it didn't matter, it's fine, I'm fine..."
"Tommy, you're not fine, you don't have act for me, it's okay" I start to panic and let me mind run wild with thoughts and start to over thing again for the second time today

He's just saying that

He didn't care

He didn't like you

You just cause trouble

Maybe there right, he's probably mad at me,

"Will, i-I'm sorry" "Tommy, you don't need to be sorry okay? It's okay, just please don't do that, talk to me, talk to Schlatt if you have to, talk to Tubbo, talk to Niki, talk to anyone you want to but please don't do that, it scares be when you do"

I guess will forgot that he has took my phone away, so I can't really talk to anyone but him and tubbo, and tubbos leaving next Sunday to go back to his house, "b-but i cant talk to them, t-you have m-my phone" i don't quite know why I'm stuttering but I guess it's because I'm really nervous, I didn't even mean to do that in front of him, don't get me wrong it helped me but I didn't mean to do it when he's right next to me that's just a recipe for disaster.

"Oh umm... yeah I forgot about that... we can figure something out for you okay?" "O-okay, and will I-I'm sorry, i don't like make y-you worried so I-I'm sorry" "Tommy, it's okay you can stop apologising okay? But whether it's not or later we need to talk about this and we need to get you help" "I guess" " okay good, do you want to talk about anything while where here?" "No I'm fine, can we just go back?" "Okay let's go"

As we start to drive back will hands me the AUX lead and tells me to put what I want on so I decide to put on some khai dreams, he's my favourite artist the first song that come on is '9pm on a Sunday' I turn it up and start to song along so does wilbur

The drive home the rest of the way was okay, we just listened to music the whole way, we didn't say much after the talk we had and I was happy about that, we got home and went in and said hi to tubbo and told him we're back, then we started to get the bags of clothes out of the car along with my PC, we put all my clothes into my bedroom and my PC into the spare room that will had.

I went into my room to start to unpack everything, I put my tops in the set of draws will had in the room and my jackets where hung up in the wardrobe and my jeans sat at the bottom of it, it took me about 30 minutes to sort everything out, when we got home will remembered that he has a TV in the other spare room so we took that out of there and put it into my room, he said that 'because you don't have a phone right now you can have the Tv' which made me happy so I wouldn't be completely bored now I guess

By the time i was done unpacking will had already started to make dinner, I haven't eaten probably in over a week or so, and I'm guessing Will going to try and get me to eat considing the saw my topless today and saw how skinny I am I'm guessing he knows that I've not been eating, that's not going to be fun to have to deal with but for now I'll just watch some TV until he calls me, i started watching a show called greys anatomy and I just started the 3rd episode then I hear my name being called from the kitchen

I walk out of my room and the first thing I smell is spaghetti carbonara it smells good but it makes me want to be sick, I'm really not in the food to eat right now,

"Hey toms! Want some food?" Will said to me as I walked into the living room and sat down next to tubbo "nah I'm okay thanks" i said hoping he would just leave it like that but of cause he didn't " Tommy, you haven't really eaten since you got here, you need to eat something, even if it's just a small bit" he said trying to convince me to eat "I'm not hungry though will" I said, I just don't want to eat, it'll make me fat, then people won't like me when I'm fat "tommy I'm not letting you leave his room until you eat at least a bit, I'm gonna put you some out and you can decide how much you want to eat, but you are going to eat today" he said getting out a small plate and putting some of the carbonara onto it

He motioned me to come into the kitchen so I did, still feeling sick at the smell of it, he passed me the plate that was full of food, how much did he exactly expect me to eat of this? There's no way I would even eat half of this.

There not going to like you if you eat it

You're going to get fat

You eat way too much

The voices start as I picked up the plate, Will passed me a fork and I walked over to the island in the middle and started eating, I ended up eating about a quarter of it, "don't you want any more?" Will asked "no thanks I'm full" I said trying to leave, he just nodded his head at me saying it was okay then I walked back into my room without saying another word,

I sat for a moment on my bed thinking then I walked into the bathroom and locked the door so will tiny tubbo couldn't come i while I was doing it, the voices are right if I don't throw this up I'll just get fat again, so I did the same thing I did yesterday at the cafe and stuck 2 fingers down my throat gagging multiple times before seeing all the food I had just eaten coming back up

When I was done throwing up I just laid back leaning against the wall, I sat there for a moment but then of cause I heard someone walking up the stairs "hey Tommy? You okay?" Shit he must had heard me

(1140 words)