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Chapter 14

*Tommy POV*

It was about an 45 minuet drive to my old house so me and wilbur got in the car and set off, according to the clock in the car it was about 12pm now so we had time to get there get my stuff and get back hopefully just before dark, we drove for about 15 minutes just listening to some music that wilbur had put on for us to listen to, the he turned it off when we stopped at a traffic light

"Tommy, we need to talk okay?" wilbur stated looking straight ahead "okay I guess, what's up?" "why didn't you tell me about the text messages Tommy? I could've helped you!" "I don't know I guess I was just scared to tell you in case it stressed you out like it is doing now" i said, i could feel the nerves building up "c'mon Tommy, that can't be the only reason you didn't want to tell me" he said, in a slightly louder voice "I don't want to talk about it will..." i said a little quieter "why not though Tommy? You can open up to me, you can trust me, you're like my brother, if I didn't care about you I wouldn't be taking you to get all of your stuff from your old house? If I didn't care why would I let you live at my house with me?"

"I-I *sigh* will... I'm sorry.. it's hard you know? Last time I opened up about my feelings I-it didn't go very well..." i didn't know what to say to him at this point. "Tommy, I'm sorry... you shouldn't of had to go through that, but just know nothing is going to happened if you open up to me, I'm here for you okay?" he said "thanks will... it's still like a fresh wound that need to heal if you know what I mean?" i honestly didn't know how else to explain it, that's how it feels i guess 

"yeah I get it, but we do need to talk about something now though" "Okay, what else?" he paused for a moment and as soon as he started talking i could see where this was going "Tommy you're probably not going to like what I'm about to say but-" so i cut him off and started talking"I know what you're about to say I heard you and Toby talking earlier before we left the house"

"Oh, so you know that I think you need to take a break off your phone for a bit?" what? he said at night. "I-I thought you said only at night?" what am i suppost to do?"I did but then I thought about it more and I think you could do with a temporary break from it, i just think it'll help your mental health you know?" he can't do this. "I don't know how I feel about that will, I was considering do it when you said about it at night but I don't want to go days without it, what about at school if you need something of something like that, i don't know if I want to do that..."

i could see him getting a little bit mad at this point "well something needs to be done, it'll help you if we do, I just want what's best for you..." he face relaxed a bit at the end of his sentence "do I get a choice? Or do I have to give it to you no matter what?" i questioned "I just don't want you on technology so much, it's going to help you with you're health, remember a few months ago when I was struggling it helped me to have disconnect from the internet and stuff."

"so I don't get a choice in this you're trying to tell me? what about when i go to school? what do i do then?"

"how about we do this, starting from now, we do it so you give me your phone now and I'll give it back to you when you go school but when you get back from school you give it me back and if you want to go on it outside of  school you let me know and if I think that you can, you can use it, how does that sound?" i hate this so much. "well I don't get a choice so I guess, but how long for?"i questioned him again "um.... I don't know maybe like 2-3 weeks to start with then see how you go from there? And then we can think about maybe getting you into streaming again if you want?" i wanted him to know that i don't like this, or want to do this for that matter. "okay I guess. Just know that I'm not okay with this but I don't really get a choice since in a way you're like my carer if that make sense?"

I pass my phone over to will, we talk for the rest of the way there about school and stuff, will pulled into the drive way and I immediately started to get mini flashbacks from the bad memories here and my breathing starts to speed up, will has already left the car and is walking around to my side of the car, I get out and unlock the front door and act like I'm fine

Me and will walk in not looking back I go straight upstairs and go into my old room grab one of the bags from underneath my bags and start putting some clothes in there, I want to take my PC with me but I don't think that wilbur will let me take it, I'll ask him anyway when I see him next

I see the knife that was left on my desk from the last night that I was here, i grab it and think, would he really care if I did anything with it? Maybe even just a little cut... it wouldn't hurt no one if I did

I pick up the knife and put it against my skin, and slowly push it in and my arm starts to bleed another one the thoughts ringing in my head telling me to keep going  so I do, I do another cut on my arm and another and another until my whole left arm is covered, it didn't take me long to do it

i suddenly heard wilbur coming "yo toms! You rea- TOMMY WHAT DID YOU DO!" He yelled as he ran over to me, he snatched the knife one of my hand and grabbed my arm to take a look at it "TOMMY WHY?"

He shouted which made me flinch and out my hands above my head as in a grading position I let out a whisper "please don't hit me, please I'm sorry!" I said as as I fell to my knees subbing uncontrollably, will dropped down onto the floor next to me and put his arm around me which made me jump again "hey toms, it's okay, you're okay, it's just me, wilbur, you're okay, no one is going to hit you or hurt you okay? Let just stand up okay?"

I couldn't stop shaking wilbur helped me stand up and sit onto my bed, my arm and bleeding rapping from all the cuts, and my breathing was getting slowed down I trained myself so that if it ever got bad to quickly stop it in case my dad saw me.

I felt something pressing down onto my arm where all the cuts are, it hurt like mad and I tried to get will to take it off by shoving him away and yelling at him but he wouldn't budge at all, he just stud there holding it tightly trying his best to stop the bleeding I didn't want it to stop though, it was the most feeling I have felt in days since I moved in with will and I liked it, i don't want it to stop. But no matter how much I protested it didn't work I eventually gave in and just lied back onto my bed and let wilbur do his thing

I don't regret doing it, I only regret that I got caught doing it, will had gotten some of the bandages that I use to keep in the cupboard in the bath room and had put it on my arm to help stop the bleeding

I just sat there silently crying as will not saying anything and just carried on packing up my stuff, he took the last bags out to the car while I was still sat on my bed crying, somehow will knew that I needed to be left alone when I was like that and that's what he did, when he came back in the room to get me I decided to ask about my PC

"um... hey will?" i was a bit hesitant at first "yes toms? What's wrong?" he said with worry laced in his words "I-is there anyway I could bring my PC with me to the house?"We sat there for a moment in silence while he thought

"Tomas.. do you realise how serious what you just did is?" he started in a serious voice "will, I'm sorry it's hard to explain but I had to" i was just trying to tell him how i feel "no you didn't Tommy, you could've talked to me" but then he shut me down "it wasn't about talking, you wouldn't understand" i was just telling him the truth. if i told him that i cut myself to know i'm still alive because i feel numb 24/7 he would call me crazy "Tommy, you can take it but you cant use it yet, you need to open up to me or tubbo or someone, you need to talk about how you feel because you keep it all bottled up and then something like this happens!"

I start to get a bit angry and annoyed when he said that to me "HOW AM I SO POST TO OPEN UP WITH PEOPLE WHEN THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND ME? AND NOW THE ONE PERSON THAT DOES I CANT SPEAK TO BECAUSE YOU HAVE CUT OFF ALL MY CONTACT WITH THEM! THE ONE PERSON WHO KNEW ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU JUST FUCKING CUT MY CONTACT WITH THEM!" i yelled at him. i'm pissed off now.

A/N
Tommy be getting pissed off tho
Thought u would put a big more angst in there today it's legit 4:20 while I'm writing this legit just watched wilburs stream and I felt so awake so I was like might as well and I love how good wilburs singing is ngl

2 chapters at once ayyyyy

(1794 words)