I'm not broken (RoyalChaos)

Chapter 5 - Unexpected turnabouts

Ze's perspective

I hope all of this pain ends soon. I hope Anthony forgives me. I hope we can go back to normal. I hope we'll be alright.

I was lying in bed, covers pulled up to my ears. It was hot in my feathery bed, but nothing could warm up the cold inside of me. My face was slightly sticky due to the tears that had dried there. Thank heavens it was still Sunday. Though thinking about it, I only had a few hours left until I'd have to go to sleep. For all I knew I could just as well sleep right now, at least it would keep my heart from aching and my thoughts from being all over the place. But as much as I had tried, I couldn't get myself to calm down. I kept twisting and turning, unable to find rest. I sighed and dragged myself out of bed, walking over into the kitchen. I opened up the fridge, maybe I could eat something. But there was nothing in there except leftover scrambled eggs and a bottle of Jägermeister that Anthony had brought with him yesterday night. After that fight we had had when we came back from the cinema I had just fallen asleep on the floor, holding his jacket in my arms. I then had woken up quite early in the morning and tried to study a bit. I couldn't manage though, so I had watched movie after movie, not actually caring about the happenings, just thinking about our fight. I looked at the bottle for a few seconds and took it out of the fridge. Why was it in there anyway? Who cares, just drink it, it'll make the pain go away. I sighed, uncapped the bottle and smelled the alcohol. Awful. But what if it really did help? I took a deep breath and tilted the bottle, taking a huge sip. It tasted absolutely disgusting, but I swallowed it, only to put the bottle down quickly and lean against the fridge. If that hadn't been heavy I didn't know what was. I coughed and closed the bottle, putting it away for now. How do people like the taste of this crap? It did numb me for a little bit and I didn't think of Chilled while I was fighting my body's reaction to it... No, Steven, you know you shouldn't. But it does help. My mind had two voices that were arguing with eachother and honestly, I couldn't decide which one was right. Probably the responsible one that was telling me to stop.

"Fuck it", I growled, picking up the bottle again and taking another sip. Again, the taste overwhelmed me and I had to put it back. I couldn't stop coughing and it was then that I decided to really stop. I stumbled back to my room, feeling a weird tingling in my body. Oh dear, was that little bit of alcohol already taking control of me? I picked up my phone from the nightstand and looked at my lock screen - the photo Anthony and I had taken together. I felt tears well up in my eyes and I quickly unlocked it so I wouldn't have to see his damn face any longer. I had three missed calls from Smarty and one from Galm. Smarty had left a message on my answerphone as well. I decided to listen to it.

"Hey there Ze, buddy", his voice sounded from my little device, "I'm worried about you, you didn't return my calls... I picked up Anthony from the bus station near your house. He was sitting there without his jacket, close to freezing to death. He... He was really shaken by something, he had been crying and... You know, I probably shouldn't be telling you this... I just wanna know what happened. He... He's staying over at my place for now, he doesn't want to go home. I also told him what was going on between me and Galm... I mean... Fuck it, might as well tell you too. Galm and I hooked up Friday night. No big deal, okay? I mean I always thought I liked girls but apparently I also have a soft spot in my heart for guys. Please don't hate me now, okay? Anyways... Just give me a call, alright? I'm really worried and Antho-". Beeeeeeep. The time was up. Smarty and Galm? I was really surprised, I mean, I had known that Galm was gay, I even asked him for advice, but Smarty? I guess you never know who it hits... My finger hovered over the "call back" button, but I instead called my mother. It rang for a while but then she finally picked up.

"Steven my dear!", she exclaimed, "How are you, darling? Are you doing well? Are you still friends with John? Is school stressing you out? Is yo-"

"Mom!", I interrupted her, rolling my eyes at her dozens of questions, "I wanted to ask you for advice on something... I went to a college party last we-"