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Pain

Many will say that I am the worst, but they do not know what they did to me, which led me to have anxieties, depression, low self-esteem and above all to live in pain. In a certain way I learned to survive to take into account my mental state that is not entirely sane, that my feelings were dead to reject everything that is called: Love.My faithful companion in everything has been my loneliness, sadness my ally, anxiety my best friend, low self-esteem my accomplice for years and pain has always been in my heart, I have always been clear not to do the same to anyone nor wish it happens, because despite being broken I can be your friend, partner, sister and even your family. I do not care about your sexual orientation, I will love you as you are, I will advise you, I will support you and I will listen to you.Because I have understood that despite everything that hurts me, I prefer to live it alone than to put people in everything that overwhelms me, I prefer to spend it alone and think even though I am bathed in tears I prefer to dry myself and continue smiling even knowing that I die with all the trauma that I had to pass.Not everything is bad, I started to appreciate it, to hug it, but inside of me I know that I want to let go of it, it hurts, yes, but I did not come with a manual to know what to do when life puts things to you in fact, you never know what is going to happen but yes we see beyond there are people who have lived and live worse things than we have had to go through.I am like a storm of feelings and thoughts, sometimes I am happy, suddenly I get upset, out of nowhere I cry, other times I jealous of you but in the end I am still me, all the time you will see me talking to myself as if I were living in the moment of my conversation, they tell me abnormal because I am different and I see things differently, that I am not right in the head this may be true but you know? I'm glad to be all that, because I think I can see beyond the bunch of blind men. I have not learned to love my body and sometimes I do not do it with myself, sometimes I hate my existence and I want to leave life, sometimes I cry without anyone knowing so that the next day no one will smile.I believe that each one of us has within us a pain that he has not overcome that continues to accuse and blame him for what is happening inside him, that he is wrong for himself and not for the people who hurt him, but let me tell you something : YOU ARE NOT BLAME FOR WHAT HAPPENED.

And I think that is what you have not been clear about, that if they hurt you it was not because you deserved it, because you were not Serbian, because nobody cares about you and that pile of garbage that has made you believe that you deserve to live like this but I advise you something : No longer live from pain, try to alleviate that which eats away at you inside, which makes the nights hell and you cannot live what you want to be.

 NT: Someone who has lived with pain for years tells you. 

 MR 

 I dedicate this letter to all those people who have gone through traumatic things in their lives: I want to tell you that you are not alone and that you can get out of it, that you can fully regret the damage, I know that you can get out and stop living from pain.