Our Darkest Memories

~ Lost Memory

Two years before forgetting

I will never forget the look of someone who knew he was about to meet death. The sudden death of Tom Parker, the person I had been going to school with for almost three years, was still burned into my brain. Not necessarily because I knew the guy very well and not because it was the first time for me to experience something like death either. The reason that it left such a mark is because it was the ending of someone else’s life, but the beginning of a whole new era in my life. And after that first death, life started to fly by at a very high tempo. 

At that moment, that image of Tom Parker crossed my mind yet again while walking through the threshold that led to the bedroom belonging to my grandma.

"Grandma?" Blaze’s little voice broke when we walked in and she saw the shape of her only hero lying in the bed.

The room was a reminder of how much time had passed since we first started living here with our grandma. It wasn't a large room. The flowery wallpaper was damaged as opposed to the neat wallpaper we knew from our first year in this house. I could see the heart that Blaze had drawn on the wallpaper when she was still 5. Grandma was furious when she first found out, but months later, she would still move her finger along the lines with a small smile on her face. 

Grandma never changed the wallpaper. Not because she turned to like the small heart of Blaze, but because she didn't have the money for such luxury. After the economic crisis, things like wallpaper became expensive and, therefore, also unnecessary.

The same was true for things such as furniture. It’s why the room was empty, except for the large bed in the middle of the room. On it lay a sick, old woman, barely recognizable. But I knew who it was. My grandma.

I felt my eyes water but tried to hold back the tears so that Blaze would not see them. My grandma was dying, I knew it. The lively woman that she had been in the past had become sick over time. She had been our mother figure, our safe place. She took us in when she found out about all the things our parents did to us, and when IAAN was discovered, she kept us hidden from the world. She took care of us.

Something our parents never bothered to do.

"Blaze." Her hoarse voice seemed to echo in the room, magnifying how tired she sounded. She lifted her head to look us in the eyes when we walked closer. "I don't think I have much time left here, so I want to say a few things."

"You will be fine."

Blaze's optimism was hopeless. We tried to take care of grandma, but we just didn't have the resources. Definitely since we couldn’t go outside to buy food or find help. She wouldn't make it, and I knew it the moment I looked at her.

Her normally suntanned skin was now so pale that it was almost translucent. The silver-colored hair that was tangled showed that she had lived many years. It used to be brunette and flowy. Blaze inherited that from her side of the family. I, however, inherited the face. I recognized the full lips, the little arch in the nose and I had the same bright blue eyes, even though hers looked tired now.

"I know that the people out there are afraid and have become cruel. Even more than usual. But things will change. They just need time to accept you. But it will take time, and for now, that means that outside, it will be dangerous for you. That is why you must never give up and you mustn't leave each other. You can only make it if you help each other." She was interrupted by a cough and directed her gaze at me. "I called your parents. I am sorry about not being able to get them on the right path. But, they must at least know that I will no longer be there.”

I nodded. As much as I hated my parents, they should at least know about this. After all, it was still my dad's mother. It would be cruel to keep them in the dark. It was something that they would do, and I would not lower myself to their level.