Our Darkest Memories

10. Sunshine

6 weeks after forgetting

The relaxation of the water tickling my skin on that sunny day faded away when the thought of the little Red crossed my mind again. Nadia was floating on her back but slowly  started to swim towards me. She immediately saw the change in my exterior. 

“Tell me what is going on in here,” Nadia said while she tapped my head. I let out a sigh while I tried to stay above the water surface. 

“I don’t know. It’s all so confusing to me. I didn’t want to believe what you are all saying. I still don’t, but I don’t know anymore. It all seems so vague, yet so clear.”

I looked at Nadia, who was carefully watching me from where she was swimming. “I know I don’t make sense. Just forget it.”

“No, that’s okay. I get it. Everything seems fine, yet… everything doesn’t.”

I felt relieved knowing that I wasn’t the only one feeling contradictory. It really did feel like that.

“I was willing to ignore it all, but that little Red – Blaze – changed things.”

She was curiously staring at me. “Why?” 

“Because she immediately knew my name when she saw me. She tried to hug me and I even felt like I wanted to return the hug. It never came to that, though.”

I shivered, thinking back at the moment Aaron had fired his gun that day and how I felt flooded with worry.

Nadia swam towards me and put her hand on my shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. Just relax for now. Enjoy the sun. You got some free days from Clancy. Use them. Don’t just let this feeling devour you. It’s doing you no good.”

Shaking my worries off, I planted a smile on my face. “You’re right.”

Not too long later, we were enjoying the feeling of the sun warming our skin while we were laying on the two towels on the grass. 

“You were definitely right. I should enjoy the sun more often,” I murmured with my eyes closed.

“Mhm,” Nadia lazily responded, laying on her stomach. “With all those tasks we get, it’s hard to find free time to do things like this, though.”

She slipped it out before she knew it and looked sideways at me while I stared back. Strangely, I didn’t even blame her. Some part of me even seemed to agree with her.

“That’s okay. Please don’t feel like you have to hold back with me,” I answered, scared that after today there might form a gap between them again. I liked having a friend that felt like I could discuss anything with.

Before she could answer, we heard footsteps approaching and we both looked up at the sight of Raiden walking in their direction. He eventually saw us too and froze.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t kn-”

But he was interrupted by Nadia, who climbed to her feet and swiftly grabbed her dry clothes. “That’s fine, I was leaving anyway. Gives you some time to talk!” she yelled back as she rushed off. I lay back down on my towel again, not even bothering to sit up. 

The silence between us grew and I could almost feel how his eyes were staring at me.

“Spit it out,” I said without looking up, still enjoying the sun.

He took a few steps towards me.  “I can’t believe you betrayed me like that. You deceived me and stabbed me in the back. I thought that you out of all people wouldn’t do that.”