Our Darkest Memories

17. The Darkest Minds

"No."

Only one word. One word that I let out so softly. But it was that one word that carried all my disbelief, pain, and heartbreak.

All I could see was how her eyes closed. All I could feel was how her hand loosened around my hand. Those were my last memories of Nadia. New memories scarred into the dark corners of my mind.

Just a few days ago we were laughing at each other when we tried to push each other under the water. And now, she was laying there, motionless.

This wasn't what was supposed to happen. We were all supposed to make it out of this stupid camp. She was supposed to come with us. But now, that wasn't going to happen. And it was all because of Clancy.

I turned my head to see him. He was still standing at the spot he was before. Only now, there was a small grin placed around his lips.

Anger took the best of me. I jumped up, and with all the fury I had, I wanted to punch him. But the moment I jumped up, someone already aimed a gun at me as a warning sign.

I felt helpless. Captured. I just wanted justice for her, but how could I give it if the odds were so against us?

So instead, I did the only thing I could. "You're horrible, you know that?! There was no reason for Nadia to die. She was my friend! How could you?" I wanted to spit in his face. Scratch his eyes out. Just... something.

He didn't move. He didn't even react. It was as if he never heard what I said, never saw my anger, never noticed my desperation, but I knew he had. It was his way of making me even madder.

And so I said the only thing that I knew would make him mad. "You are just like your father."

He stepped forward and pointed his finger straight at me. "No, I'm not." It was clearly anger that I heard in his voice. For once, Clancy lost his temper. But he also quickly took a breath again to calm down. That creepy smile came back on the place it was only moments before. "I'm just trying to make the world better for us. For you as well. And you could have helped me. But you didn't. You were held back by your past. So I did something about that. To make you better."

His words pained me. 'You were held back by your past'. Was I really? I had never really thought about it that way. Of course, my past had haunted me before. But, it made me who I am today.

Yes, looking forward to the future is good. It's necessary. But your past... It's important. It's part of you. You can only truly move forward if you accept your past, and forgetting about your past isn't that. I learned that not too long ago.

But now, he was making me hesitate about that again. For some reason, he was able to play with my feelings and insecurities. He didn't even need powers to do that. It was just how he was.

"As for Nadia," he continued, "I didn't have to kill her. She was a smart girl. But, you lead her here. You convinced her to come with you and disobey me. If anything, it was you who killed her."

Tears shot to my eyes. "No- you... We wouldn't have..." The words got stuck in my throat. I wanted to say that if it wasn't for him, we wouldn't have tried to escape. But indirectly, it was my fault. Nadia befriended me. She did that when I already wanted to leave. That's when she wanted to come as well. That means that in the end, maybe it was my fault after all.

And Clancy knew that that thought would hurt me deeply. I saw it in the way his eyes lit up when he saw my struggle.

"So who is next? Who is important enough to you to break you? Because believe me, Morgan, there will be a time where you'll be broken again, and it will be soon. I will make you beg me to take your memories again."