Our Darkest Memories

16. Space of Shadows

6 weeks after forgetting

Could I move? Could I open my eyes?

Was I even alive?

Considering I was not feeling any pain, it seemed very likely to me that I had died. After all, if I wasn't dead, then I was supposed to feel the pain, right? I was supposed to feel the electricity running through my body.

At least, that's what I assumed.

I tried to move my fingers one by one, and I succeeded. That's what made me brave enough to try and open my eyes, and slowly, I opened my eyelids and looked around me, yet didn't see anything. It was as if the space had been swallowed by one, big shadow, making me unable to see.

It was a contradicting space that made me question my entire existence.

It felt like nothingness, but at the same time, I could still feel everything around me. It was dark, but not empty. There were things going on in this nonexistent space.

Would I soon see my grandma again? Was this what death felt like?

Death. That one word with so much pain attached to it for so many people. Death was the darkest shadow in life. One that made people forget that there was still sun to enjoy.

It is what made me cling to the past so much, but also what made me want to push my past away. I have caused death, I have run from death and I have faced death. But was this right now the time for me to become part of the dead? Was I already dead? Because if this was it, it was most definitely an anticlimax. What was the reason that people feared it so much? It was not bad at all. It felt peaceful and quiet.

But soon I was questioning my conclusion. My hand started to feel suddenly embraced in a warmth. It was at that moment that I started to hesitate whether I was dead or not.

Why did that warmth feel so familiar?

I was interrupted in my thoughts when the whisper of a shadow in the distance echoed in the darkness. "This wouldn't have happened if you just had trusted me."

Trust? Who did that voice belong to? It was as if all my troubles in real life had disappeared. There were no worries anymore. I felt bubbly, not able to memorize what was going on and what my life was supposed to be.

Why was that voice talking about trust? Trust was something useless, I had learned that a long time ago. What was it even? It was something untouchable. Something unreachable.
Why trust your trust then? Trust was only a word, nothing more. There was no trust. When you trust a person, all that person can do is damage your trust. Hurt you with it. Trust was only there to be broken and only caused disappointment and betrayal. What other purpose for trust was there?

A faraway scream reached my ears and I could only cover my ears to escape the high-pitched sound that contained such pain. Somewhere on the other side, the sound of a sob traveled through the air, followed by a soft voice saying sorry over and over again. It was a heartbroken voice, one that had endured much pain, that was for sure. But it was also a familiar voice. The bubbly feeling made me unable to think straight. I couldn't remember where I heard that voice before. But then I realized that that scream earlier had also sounded familiar. It was a scream of a young girl. A girl that I had known all my life.

The flash of that realization brought back all of it. All of the memories. How Blaze and I had been on the run for years, how we met Raiden, and how we lost track of each other. How I was held in East River and hated Clancy for it. How I met Nadia, and how we were meant to escape. But I also remembered what had just happened; Clancy controlling Raiden and letting him electrocute me.