Venessa

Chapter 53

....a little bit of salt, a pinch of herbs. And maybe, a little bit of more butter."
I mumbled to myself as I tasted the sauce, once again.

I was making dinner tonight. Just like, I did yesterday. Tomato sauce pasta, to be specific.

It's been 3 days, since the little "picnic" we had. It left me light and relieved. After that conversation, I'm left looking forward to more time with him.

Trevor.

The Angel, that saved me. Twice.

He's way too, intelligent for his age. Maybe, it was his job, that made him this way but, he was definately best at what he did. I didn't even speak much, that day or even after that but, he understood it and maintained my pace. He's given me time simultaneously, as he forced me to open up.

And whatever he said, was true on it's own level. About Priscilla.

There's always been a different side to our relationship. It was like, I've been kept in the dark. Or maybe...

I refused to see things, clearly.

I know, I was desperate but, maybe not for love. Not the kind I had with her. Maybe, all I wanted was just a support. An emotional attachment to someone. To be cared & looked after. Maybe I didn't crave intimacy but, a sense of belonging. The kind I had with.....Sasha.

I sighed deeply at the thought of him.

I can't forgive myself, for whatever I did to him. If my love for Priscilla was just a sense of attachment then, the feelings for Sasha were just.... a possession?

A heavy feeling made it's place in my chest and I turned the stove off.

I fetched myself a glass of water and was drinking it when, I heard the front door open, followed by footsteps.

I took another glass of water and filled it, moving towards the living room. I came across a, smiling Dr. Trevor. It's like, his smile is infectious. Until you realize, that his smile reaches upto his eyes, you start smiling yourself. I greet him, politely and  hand him, the glass of water. He thanked me fondly and spoke.

"You cooked again, didn't you?"

"It's the least I can do. Please, don't stop me from doing it." I said, looking at his feet.

"I don't want you to tire yourself." He said, as matter of factly.

"No. It doesn't tire me. It just....." I trailed.

"Just what?" He asked, cautiously.

"Brings back memories..." I said, my eyes glistening.

"Venessa...." He said softly, as he reached out to keep his hands over my shoulder.
" You can't keep dreading about things, that happened in the past. I know, you've cooked for her but, that doesn't mean that you'll relate all of your feelings, to those bad memories. It's not right for you..."I cut him off.

"It isn't just about her. It reminds me of mom too." I said, sobbing harder.

"Shhh..."he said, pulling me closer to him in one swift motion. And the next moment, I was sniffling in his shirt as, he embraced me firmly. Drawing soothing circles, over my back.

We stood there, surrounded by the sound of my sobs, as he let go of me.
He didn't move back completely, just enough to wipe my tears away.

"Shh.... It's okay. It's okay, to be vulnerable. It's okay to be weak. It's okay to cry your heart out. It's okay to open up." He said, wiping away all of my tears. "It's okay to miss someone. Especially, someone who doesn't miss you back." He said, looking at me with a soft gaze.