Heart Carver

Lisa's Secrets

"I know what you feel Jin Goddamnit. I-I know what it feels like."

Jin stared at her wide eyed. Lisa knew telling him was alright. He would keep her secret.

"I don't have parents Jin. The people who I live with are my foster parents. My parents are- ugh it's all my f-fault-" her voice cracked at this.

Jin nodded slowly, taking in this new piece of information, encouraging her to continue. She sighed.

"When I was four my life was the embodiment of perfection. I had loving parents, caring friends, a home and even a dog. One day my father he.. . I don't know what happened but he-disappeared. And I hav'nt seem him since then. My mother remarried. I called him dad because he was more of a father to me than my real one. He treated me like one treats their biological child and so I settled with him rather quickly.

Everything was still perfect. I had all their love, all their attention. Every day was like a scenerio straight out of a fairytale. We would have picnics, we would bake together and we would count the stars at night before sleeping."

A smile formed on her lips as she remembered those cherished moments in life. Those memories were very dear to her. They had a special place in her heart.

"I never knew pain or sorrow or sadness or loss or heartbreak. Just happiness.

One day my parents didn't come to pick me up from school and my driver dropped me home but there was no one to greet me at the door. This had happened for the first time in my life. After an hour or two my parents came back and in their arms they held the one thing that ruined my utopia forever. They happily announced that I now had a baby sister.

After that nothing was perfect. Everywhere we went she came with us, every meal she ate with us, every morning I would wake up because she was always crying. I was only five but I felt like it was the end of my life. The universe didn't revolve around me anymore because she existed.

When she turned one I had had enough. I was filled with jealously and hatred. It was night time and my parents had just gone to sleep after kissing us both goodnight. I tiptoed towards her room and found her sleeping in her crib.

She looked so calm, so peaceful, I got mad just staring at her. So I pulled out the knife I had sneaked in from the kitchen and I- stabbed her. Once, twice, thrice I've even lost count over the years.

I was six when I first commited murder and that also on a year old baby," she said in a lifeless tone. Her voice held nothing, her face held nothing. No colour. She was pale. Numb.

"My mother rushed upstairs after hearing her cry and the knife dropped from my hands as soon as I saw her. I can still hear her shocked and painful sobs when she realized what I had done and she hugged the baby close to her chest, her tears never stopped flowing.

She began scolding me in between sobs but I didn't regret anything. She moved to slap me but my dad stopped her. He also realized what I had done but still didn't vent out his anger towards me.

He picked me up and took me downstairs in his arms. He tried to calm me down but I wouldn't. I screamed and pushed him away but he still tried to help me.

My mother's scream reached our ears and before we could decide what to do the upstairs exploded. My dad was so broken as he found out that she was no more. Mafias were killing for fun.

My dad figured this out and took me out the house from the back. He held my shoulders and pointed towards the forest behind me. I remember his words so clearly its like it happened yesterday.

"See the forest Lisa? I want you to cover your ears and run as fast as you can. It will protect you for the time being. No matter what happens you must not stop running until you reach the city. Keep running straight and never look back.. . I love you Lisa."

Then he hugged me in a way he had never hugged me before. But I was so mad at everyone that I didn't hug hin back.

Jin that was the biggest mistake of my life.

He moved towards the front of the house in order to distract them and I ran as fast as I could towards the forest. Upon reaching the city I went straight to foster care and told them I was lost. I didn't want to tell anyone anything. I was adopted in less than three days and they loved me and considered me an angel.

I never told this to anyone Jin. Not the police, not my foster parents, not even Sehun.

I try to forget it but I still hear my father's last words every night before I go to sleep. I-I lost him and it's m-my f-fault."

A tear rolled down her cheek. She remained contained. She wasn't crying. She just stared at Jin emotionlessly.

His reaction was calmer than she had expected. He didn't look at her like a monster.

"I know what it feels like Jin. Because I was at fault."

"No one's carved into perfection Lisa."

"People aren't born monsters either," she replied.

"True. But I'm no one to see you as a monster. I myself have have killed millions because I had suffered. You killed one and yet you still suffer. Yes we're not like others. But that does not mean we deserve to be hated. The things we did.. . we have no excuse for that. But I still see you as human."

Lisa smiled. "I guess we're both a bit too different to be considered humans."

"Way to different," he agreed with a smile.

And in that moment, the sands of time seemed to have halted. They both sat there directly opposite to eachother, sharing eachother's pain.

We all suffer, just in a different way.

We may look at someone and think that their life is perfect but our reality is a thin glass. It's transparent but we chose to beleive its opaque. Choose to not look through the glass.

No mortal is leading a perfect life.

With every pleasure comes pain, with every success comes hardship, with every happiness sadness follows.

It's funny. How we seek the unseekable. Perfection.

"Lisa," he said. "I can't lose you."

Lisa smiled back as her heart fluttered for the first time in her life.

"I can't lose you either."

"Lisa.. . l-look out!!"

But his voice was cut off as the sudden explosion drowned out all noises.. .

A/N:

So.. . what do you think?

Did I surprise you?