A Family Once More

TWENTY ~ Pain and Anger

It was around 8am that James woke up. For some reason, last night was the best night's sleep that he had had in a while since he was told of Harry's kidnap and his coma state. 

He walked out into the living room area and saw that no one else was awake. He decided to get started on breakfast so that when everyone woke up, they could immediately go to the Hospital Wing to visit Harry. 

He started making some toast, eggs and bacon. Simple but hopefully delicious. 

As he was scrambling the eggs, he let his mind wander to Harry. It's been slightly more than a month since his body went into a coma. James longed for the chance to finally speak to Harry face to face after all the years that he was dead. He wanted to know all about Harry's life from him, not from Sirius or Remus. He wanted to be able to play quidditch as well as the other Wizarding games with him. He wanted to be able to play pranks with and on him, and have fun as father and son. But no... Voldemort had to take that away from him. 

How cruel does he have to be. First he takes James and Lily away from Harry, then he takes Harry away from them. When are the three of them ever going to be together and reunited as a family once more. James wishes for everything to go back to where Harry was just born. With no worry about a noseless dark lord wanting to kill Harry. James just wishes they could be a family once more....

Suddenly all of the pent up anger he felt for Voldemort as well as Wormtail needed to escape. James threw the frying pan he was using to fry the eggs onto the floor.  

The half-scrambled eggs were scattered all over the beautiful marbled flooring. 

Still wanting an outlet for his anger, he started throwing the seasonings he was planning on using. 

With each throw, he felt angrier and more aggravated. The noise of his anger was floating through the room as he threw each object with more and more force.  Soon, James broke down and started crying on the floor, which was filled with pepper, salt and some food bits. 

Remus came running into the kitchen, surprised at the sight. Remus was a relatively light sleeper, although James was the lightest sleeper out of the four of them, therefore causing him to wake up and hurry out of his room. 

In Remus's mind, he thought there was a battle out in the kitchen, worried that one or all of his friends were in danger. 

However, he was not expecting the sight that he saw - James sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, crying. 

James had never been the type to openly express his feelings and cry, he would usually bottle them in and only tell his friends after much pushing and persuasion. 

Once he gathered himself from his shock, he took quick strides over to James. 

He bent down to his level and sat on the floor with him. He started to slowly pat his back in an attempt to calm him down. 

James never once looked up from his hands as Remus continued rubbing soothing circles on his back while muttering words of comfort. 

As he continued sobbing, James would occasionally mutter Remus's name, as if making sure that Remus was actually there. 

Every time Remus heard James mutter his name, he would reply with the same answer, whispering it in his ear. "I'm always here for you James, and I'm not leaving." 

With each time James muttered Remus's name, his sobs would slowly decrease slightly, reducing the jerky rise and fall of his chest. 

After a few minutes, James finally managed to gather himself and calm down enough to look up at Remus.

"Thank you, Remus." James's pitiful, teary red hazel eyes looked up at Remus. 

Remus felt his heart ache at the sight of it. James was always so headstrong and independent. Him needing to rely on someone was a rare sight to see and therefore, Remus was relived that someone was there for him when he needed it the most. 

"Always James, always." Remus replied, consoling James. 

After a while of sitting in comfortable silence, Remus decided it was time to bring up what just happened. 

"Want to talk about it James?" Remus asked quietly. 

James did not want to tell Remus anything, afraid that his friend would think of him as weak and pathetic. He had already full on cried on the floor in front of him. 

"No-Yes." James realised that he did want to share his worries and anger with Remus. After all, Remus was there to help him through his breakdown, he deserved some answers. 

"I was preparing breakfast for everyone when I started thinking of Harry's state in the Hospital Wing. Then I obviously started feeling mad at Wormtail and Voldemort for taking Harry away from me the first time. Oh Remus." James paused, gathering strength to continue. "Now I'm finally given the chance to see him face to face again, but Voldemort takes that away again. When can we actually be a normal family Rem? I just want the best for Lils and Harry, and the life we are living now is definitely not it. I just got so mad at Voldemort and Peter. Especially Peter. I mean, I took him under our wing. I allowed and invited him to sit in our compartment because he was sitting all alone in one of them on the train so I took pity on him. And what does he do? Betray us! I mean how much of a Slytherin is he! He took away all my forms of joy from me, Rem. Harry was the best thing that every happened to me. He was my little treasure, my bundle of joy. But Peter had to sell us off to him and Voldemort had to take me away from him. Can you imagine how he was treated at Privet Drive? His childhood must have been horrible. I left him Remus. I left him. I'm such a bad father! I left my god damn wand on the couch! How could let my carelessness lead us all into this mess? I let him down Remus. I let Harry down. I promised him. Promised him Remus! I promised him that I would never leave him and that we would always be together. And I would watch him grow up, all the way till he was old. Unlike what my own father could do. I failed him Rem. I failed Lily too." James ranted, his voice getting louder and louder as he went on, but then he started whispering the last few sentences. 

By the end of it, he was panting slightly, his eyes starting to tear once more after realising how much of a bad father he was to Harry. 

What none of the boys realised was that during their emotional roller coaster, another figure entered the room. 

Lily Potter heard her husband's whole rand and to the end of it, she had silent tears streaming down her face. 

She quickly ran in after seeing him start to tear again once he was done. 

"Oh James." She whispered as she hugged him tightly, it seemed as if she never planned on letting go. "You could never fail me. Never. And you didn't fail Harry either. Look, we may have left him when he was young, but now we can be there for him when he needs us the most. The war is getting more intense James, from what Remus and Sirius have told us. He recently faced the return of Voldemort, he needs us now James. We may have left him once, but we will be there for him till the very end." Lily tried consoling her husband as her own silent tears caressed her face . 

James looked up at Lily. "Thank you Lils, I needed that." 

He kissed her forehead gently. 

She smiled as his lips made contact with her skin. 

She looked back at him and kissed him right on the lips. 

They shared this passionate kiss for a while, Remus left the room as it got more intense. 

The kiss was full of their undying love and affection for each other. Saying all the words they could never say. They put in all their emotion and feelings, sadness and all into the kiss. It was one of the best kisses they shared since they got back into the life of the living. 

They slowly parted, panting slightly, their eyes still glistening with unshed tears of worry and sadness. 

Suddenly, there was a yelp heard from Sirius's room. 

And then a loud angry voice. "What did you have to do that for Remus!?!?"