Guilty All The Same (English)

12 - Begin Again

Ferid tried to put the most distance he colud between him and the girl's room. He should calm down. He stopped in front of a huge mirror and observed his reflection. He clenched his fists and hit the smooth surface, smashing it into pieces. He took a deep breath, regaining his self-control. He closed his eyes and thought about Yurika's blood running down his throat, the taste of his lips on hers, but soon other images filled his mind: that poor girl in tears, shivering. He sighed. How could he go so far? He felt awful for what he had almost done to her. Once again, he ruined everything, his nature of monster had prevailed on the rest. It was useless that he tried to force himself, he was and would be forever a horrible vampire, a monster. The only thing he could do now was trying to put back everything as it was before, but he doubted it was possible.

When Yurika woke up, at first she couldn't remember what had happened, but then the images of the night before flooded her mind. She took deep breaths, but it wasn't easy to calm down. She was still wearing her bathrobe, but her body was wrapped in a blanket. She turned on the light and tried to stand up, but as she did so she felt a sharp twinge in her wrists. She looked at them and noticed purple halos. Right where the vampire's hands had clenched. She swallowed as new tears formed in her eyes. What would she do now? How would she behave in the presence of the vampire? She shuddered. She ran a hand over her bite, which also caused a twinge of pain, but it was milder. She shifted her gaze to the coffee table, seeing food. She turned her head to the side, trying to push back the tears. The vampire had been in the room while she slept. She stretched out on the bed, curling in on herself. She really needed to try and calm down. Especially since she knew the vampire would be back soon; and she couldn't get a clear idea of what his intentions were. She forced herself to get up and get dressed. She chose a dress with long sleeves, at least it would hide her bruises. She approached the door that would lead her back to her room, trying to find the courage to go through it. The very idea of being in the same room with the vampire made her feel sick. She didn't think she would be able to bear his presence. She placed her hand on the door handle, took a deep breath and opened it. She looked around furtively and, after making sure Ferid wasn't in the room, moved forward, albeit hesitantly. She tried to eat something, but was still shaken up. She heard the door open. 

The blood froze in her veins and her heart began to beat frantically. There was no need for her to turn around, she knew perfectly well that it could only be Ferid. She lowered her gaze and closed her eyes. "You should eat." The vampire's voice sounded much graver than usual, it no longer had the classic joking tone. But then again, the vampire knew perfectly well that he wasn't in a good position, but watching the girl's reaction had upset him quite a bit. Yet he should have been happy, now he had finally got what he wanted, that girl was desperate. "Yurika..." But the girl didn't lift her gaze. Ferid sat down at the small table and, receiving no sign from the girl, reached out and clasped her hand in his. As he did so, the vampire touched her wrist and the girl let out a half moan. Ferid froze. He pulled the girl's arm closer to him and pulled back the sleeve of her dress, pausing to look at the purple bruise that remained on her skin. A bruise he had caused to her. He stroked her skin, then gently squeezed the girl's wrist between his fingers. Yurika had to admit that the vampire's cold touch gave her relief. It was like having ice, but that didn't dispel her discomfort. Ferid continued to scan the girl's face, understanding her state of mind. He let go of her wrist and she quickly withdrew it. The vampire continued to watch her, finding himself unsure of what he should say or do. Yurika's mind was maturing with an unhealthy idea. Perhaps the vampire had lost control because of the long wait she had subjected him to. She thought she could be stronger than him, that she could somehow stand up to him, but the facts had shown her otherwise. Ferid could make anything of her at any time and he had proved it to her. She looked up uncertainly at the vampire. Ferid couldn't help but notice the girl's glazed eyes and the fear they conveyed. "You can drink my blood anytime." Said the girl, her voice reduced to a faint whisper. "Yurika, what are you saying? What happened yesterday..." "It happened because I didn't decide to offer you my blood." She took a pause. "I'm doing what you wanted, right? I'm asking you to drink my blood... Just that." The girl's voice was reduced to a tremble. "If I offer it to you, you'll... You won't do anything else?" From the tone of her voice Ferid could tell that the girl was on the verge of tears. He felt something move in the pit of his stomach. "No." He whispered to her. Yurika sighed, and Ferid realized he wasn't going to get any more words out of her. He stood up then, leaving Yurika alone to her thoughts.

As soon as Ferid had gone, Yurika leaned her back against the back of the chair and gave free rein to her tears. What had she just done? What had come over her? She hoped that, by doing so, Ferid would calm down and not feel the need for anything else, but she knew she couldn't get any guarantees from that vampire. The idea of feeling his fangs sink into her neck horrified her, but she had little alternative.

Ferid meanwhile wandered the corridors of his villa aimlessly, feeling nothing but an incredible sense of emptiness. For the umpteenth time he wondered what that girl was doing to him to make him like this. After all, it wasn't the first time he'd gone over the edge, but it was the first time he'd had to come to terms with his conscience if he even had one. But the real problem was the girl. It wasn't hard to understand why she had been reduced to offering him her blood, evidently, she wanted to avoid any more incidents, but more importantly that the vampire might abuse more than just her neck. He headed into the garden without abandoning his thoughts. He didn't want to maintain the tense atmosphere he had created with the girl, he absolutely had to find a way to make it right, but maybe that wasn't the case, not at that moment. If he wanted to regain her trust, he had to be cautious and act calmly, he couldn't afford to make a false step.

The next day the vampire returned to the girl, this time knocking before entering. Yurika lifted her gaze from her book and for a moment she was afraid it was a stranger, usually Ferid just walked in. "Come in." She whispered. "Hello, Yurika." The girl stood up and the vampire approached her. "If you want my blood..." But the closer the vampire got to her, the more her body trembled. Yurika prepared to feel the pain caused by the vampire's fangs, but instead an unexpected thing happened: the vampire's arms wrapped around her body and held her to his chest. Yurika's eyes widened, she wanted to do something, but she remained perfectly still. Ferid also remained still with the girl clutched against him. What he was about to do wasn't easy at all, not for him. He wasn't used to it. "Yurika... I, I apologize. I shouldn't have done that to you and what I was about to do to you..." He paused for a moment. "Forgive me if you can." In that instant the vampire wished the girl's arms wrapped around his body, her head sinking into his chest, and he hated himself knowing that he was the only reason none of the things he would have wanted from the girl would have happened. They would never have a future, that was because Ferid was and would remain a monster. And yet... Yes, with it seemed that everything was going well, until his nature got the better of him as it always did. He squeezed the girl tighter, but all she could do was tremble, so the vampire decided to leave her. Yurika sighed in relief and Ferid noticed how she was once again on the verge of tears. "Look, Yurika. I promise I won't touch you again. I won't do it again... Not until you want me to." The girl continued to look at him. "Could you answer me?" Yurika swallowed, "How can you expect me to trust you? After what you did..." "I will prove it to you. I'll show you with facts that you can trust me. I promise." And he smiled at her. Yurika didn't smile back. "Come on Yurika..." "It's not easy..." Whispered the girl. Then again, how could it be easy? Even Ferid had seen how the girl's body reacted to his presence and touch. He would have used it to better understand her thoughts. He would have taken it as a challenge. He smiled. He would have done anything to win her. "I think a walk outside might be good, don't you think so? Do you feel like coming or does my presence terrify you so much?" Yurika hesitated. At that moment she would have preferred to be left alone. "I'll walk twenty centimeters away and not speak, if you prefer." The girl looked around for a moment and sighed an answering yes. Ferid might very well have seemed remorseful and willing to make up for his mistake, but she still had to pay close attention. Yet the vampire surprised her quite a bit by sticking to his words. "Did you see that? I was true to my word." The vampire seemed to be back in joking mode. "Yes." Whispered the girl. "Then good night, little lamb." "Good night, Ferid." But the girl was quite relieved that Ferid had gone off and left her alone. A walk in the garden wasn't enough, the vampire would have to do a lot more if he wanted to win back her trust.

02/02/2021