Guilty All The Same (English)

22 - Desire

She leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes, yawning as well.

"That's how passionately, lovingly and ardently you show your interest in my cause." Yurika didn't even try to reply, she didn't have the strength. She had spent the entire morning on those tomes Ferid had provided her with and their complexity was devastating her more and more every day. Could it be that everything in the world seemed so impossible? To think that she even had noble goals, although she was the only one who thought so. Or maybe at most Ferid could support her in that utopian undertaking, but she was not sure of that. It was true that he had provided her with the necessary books and decided to help her, but that didn't mean he saw it as a positive thing. She honestly had no idea how he felt about that.

She sighed as she went back to thinking about how many pieces were missing to complete what she knew about the vampire she was hopelessly in love with. And the few pieces she had were not the best. She thought back to when she had mentioned the presence of others before her, this certainly intrigued her, but worried her at the same time. In fact, she wondered how many there had been. Once again she would not be able to give herself an answer as she did not know how old Ferid was, although she now understood that he had been through several stages of history, but when were his years as a human?

She shuddered a little at the gulf of time between them, but it wasn't just that. She wasn't sure how old he was biologically speaking, certainly his unequal beauty may have helped, but he was clearly older than she was. Had he always chosen prey younger than himself? Especially how much experience had he had in the past? Perhaps he had already had similar feelings for others?

"Yurika, stop it. You're obsessed."

Kurena wished she could have added a 'not at all' to her sentence, but unfortunately that wouldn't have been realistic. As much as she couldn't bear to see her so caught up in matters that didn't seem all that dramatic to her demon eyes she couldn't claim it was false. Ferid was a vampire who had walked the Earth probably for centuries so he must have had certain experiences, there was no point in denying it.

But she didn't think it was wise to dwell on them for too long, she was only hurting herself. Sometimes she laughed at her overly affectionate remarks to Yurika. She too wasn't doing her job as a demon.

In such a situation it would be all too easy for her to take control of the young girl and do her duty for once. She felt revulsion towards herself for even thinking such a thing. Yurika was not her mistress. She was her friend. Her best friend. The only one she could count on in this new life of hers.

That's why she couldn't bear to see her fretting over futile matters. She simply wished the girl could enjoy those moments of joy and serenity with the vampire. Once again she sensed something strong in the recesses of her consciousness. As if something wanted to escape. Was it some memory of her past life? She could not remember, but she could help Yurika.

"I'm telling you tostop it." The girl tried for a moment to interrupt the flow of thoughts that crowded her mind, but she already knew that it was not easy. When something gets persistently into your head then it's hard to get rid of it completely. "I'm trying." The demon huffed. "Don't lie to me, you know better than anyone that it doesn't hold up with me." "I know, but... Sometimes I can't help thinking about it. I just can't."

Kurena sighed, at the end of the day she could also understand her more than anyone else and for that she couldn't blame her, she couldn't completely go against her because she felt all too well how the girl felt in these cases. But no matter how absurd the situation seemed, for now she was the one with the clearest mind of the two, so it was his duty to bring her back to reality.