Guilty All The Same (English)

25 - Thoughts

Yurika clutched at the vampire's chest. Had she slept well? Yes, definitely. She was genuinely relieved with the way things had ended with Ferid, at least everything was clearer and easier now. Maybe she'd be able to feel a little calmer and more relaxed about certain things, and most importantly, she had nothing to hide from him anymore. Of course. She knew perfectly well that the matter was by no means closed, far from it. But she expected the vampire to keep his promises. She only hoped that this would not compromise their relationship. She couldn't deny that she loved feeling the vampire's arms wrapped around her and his lips on hers, for the rest she preferred to wait until she felt more comfortable, especially more familiar with the vampire, she wanted to build a solid bond first. It wasn't that she had ever thought seriously about the prospect of love, or rather, she had sometimes lost herself in melancholy fantasies, but she had never thought that one day she would see them come true. And in the most surprising way possible. It was true that love came when you least expected it. Yet this disruptive force had entered his life and now she had to deal with it, but she didn't want to go any further right away. She forced herself to stop rambling on about it. Everything would come in its own time.

But what about Ferid? Certainly the evening had not ended according to his final expectations, yet he felt he had won a great victory. He had had tangible proof of the girl's feelings for him, and she had chosen to stand by him. The rest had taken a back seat. No doubt. In fact, it would make things more tantalizing for him. He had absolutely no intention of going against the girl's wishes; he would not forgive himself if his behaviour made her feel compelled to do anything to please him. That wasn't how things were going to be. Not with her. This presented a challenge to him. Yurika was his own personal challenge. He had to prove to her, but more importantly to himself, that despite his now too long wanderings on earth in the form of a cursed creature, he might still be able to feel, love and who knows, put someone else's needs before his own and not simply act for some personal gain. He had to laugh when he thought about it. By now he was corrupt to the core, few could even imagine how much. Yurika was far too far from having a complete understanding of what kind of creature he was. And, for the first time, this new variable worried him. He feared that certain matters would cause the girl to go back on her words of the previous evening. And that was the last thing he wanted.

He lost himself in listening to the regular beating of her heart, a melody his vampire senses could now recognise. How many times had he felt the drastic change in the heartbeat that occurs when death is inexorably approaching? He preferred not to answer that question and think no further about it. There was no point in dwelling on the past, certainly not in his case. He didn't deserve anyone's compassion, not even Yurika's. The only thing he could ensure now was that he would never end the girl's existence, never. There would be no repeat of past scenarios. The image of his secret laboratories flashed through his mind. Would she ever have accepted such a thing? Would she ever have been able to turn a blind eye to the monster who had hatched such a plan? He sighed. He had to find a way to introduce this to her before it was too late. Calmly, Ferid, calmly.

Yurika clutched at the vampire's chest, she was almost awake. Ferid stroked her hair gently. "Good morning." He whispered. "Morning." She mumbled in response. "Thank you for staying." Yurika moved her head so she could look into those ruby eyes she loved so much. The vampire snatched a kiss from her, slow and gentle. "I have no reason to leave." Ferid smiled, trying to pretend he could completely agree with her. He had to prove himself to her, show her that that choice had not been wrong. "What do you say, my dear, don't you think it's time to get up?" In response Yurika sank her head into the vampire's chest, clutching at him. "I'm so comfortable here." She whispered faintly. The vampire stroked her hair. "And our daily activities?" "Five more minutes won't change a thing." After a moment of silence Yurika lifted herself onto the bed, stretching her arms, then cast a glance towards Ferid still lying in bed. She thought back to the words of the night before and blushed slightly. He had said he liked it when she took the initiative. Was it time for her to show more courage towards the vampire she loved? She leaned over him, bringing their lips together again, her hand tenderly resting on his face. "I'll make myself presentable, then we can do whatever you want." "Oh, you know you wouldn't need clothes to do what I'd like, little one." Yurika blushed. "You had..." The vampire stole a kiss from her. "I enjoy teasing you." The girl sighed. She hoped Ferid wasn't going to act like that forever. Her poor nervous system wouldn't hold up.

"I never would have guessed it, but that vampire's starting to score some points." "Starting?" Yurika replied amused. "But you've been suggesting unchaste thoughts about him for ages." Kurena huffed, "Of course, you're a basket case." "Should I have just slept with him?" Yurika whispered. "Yurika, darling. That's exactly what made me trust him. He said he was willing to wait. You did well to assert your wishes. At least you won't have to worry about it anymore." The girl sighed. "Can you imagine their faces if they knew what I was doing here?" Kurena didn't need the girl to make the subject explicit to understand who she was talking about. After all, her mind was an open book to her. "I don't think they even think it's possible for you to fall so low. To be plagiarized by a vampire." The girl shuddered. "What my father would think..." She whispered apathetically. Yet a warm tear began to wet her cheek. "He would never accept that." Kurena understood from her tone that the subject was closed for now and simply disappeared, leaving the girl to her own thoughts. Sometimes it was hard even for her to try to follow her twisted reasoning.

Yurika quickly wiped away the tear. She didn't need to dwell on people who were now part of her past. She had chosen to be with Ferid. To leave everything behind. She had done it consciously, out of love. For the burning feeling she had for that vampire. The way he had changed her life. And yet... Yet there was always something, that but anchored in the recesses of her heart, a germ that sometimes came back to haunt her and undermine her new happiness. She took a deep breath, banishing those thoughts from her mind. She had someone else to whom she could devote all her attention.

16/05/2021