𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐀 , 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐲

◈ one ◈

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One
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"So what do you like to do in your free time?" Ashley shouted over the music that vibrated through my shoes, 

"I mostly just draw, and I play video games a little bit" I said confidently, I wouldn't give any more information, I couldn't even dare trust her, "you're not supposed to trust anyone" was my life long motto, and as bad as it sounded, it worked for me.

"neat" Ashley definitely wasn't my type of friend, but when it came to people asking if I wanted to go to a party with them on a Friday night, I couldn't exactly say no. On the outside, I was bold, and tried to have fun. But really, I kept to myself as much as possible, I had trouble meeting new people, and I wouldn't have come unless Ranboo basically pushed me out the door. The rachet SoundCloud rapper music was almost hurting my ears, with the amount of bass and random beat changes, it made me stressed. I promised myself that I wouldn't freak out at one of the only social gatherings I'm going to go to this year, but sometimes promises were made to be broken.

"I'm gonna get another drink" Ashley slurred her words as she stumbled back over to the table where multiple alcoholic beverages were displayed.

The faint smell of weed on almost every person I passed made my headache increase, I found myself  picking at my over-chapped lips, and had to stop myself from fidgeting any longer. I distracted myself by taking another sip from the red solo cup in my other hand, but nearly spit it out, Beer never had a lasting taste on me, and I had never finished a whole can. 

After pouring the rest of my drink into a nearby plant, I leaned against the wall, taking a deep breathe. I started twirling my finger around my earrings that were shaped like a pair of rubber ducks. Either people were too drunk to notice, or I was doing a very well job at covering up my paranoia attack. I continued to take deep breathes and look around observingly.

"Heyyyyy Iris" A drunken classmate slumped over next to me.

"hello Emery" I raised my eyebrows at her state.

"aren't you having Soooooo much fun?" Emery was in my main Phycology course, and we had probably only spoken 3 times this semester.

"yeah, I'm totally having fun!" I lied, refusing to give any valuable information towards anyone. 

"mmm lemme tell you I've been having lots of fun" she nodded and took a ginormous gulp of her drink and waltzed off without finishing the conversation.
I felt my breath quicken, and continued to pick at my lips, fearing the fragile skin would break and blead out over my mouth.

"hello pretty lady, I like your hair" A man I had never seen before had leaned against the wall next to me, he was obviously flat out drunk, and I noticed as soon as he started petting my light blue locks. It was tied half up and had strokes of pastel pink all over.

"what are you doing?" I said slyly, keeping my cool.

"would you by chance like to hook up?" he asked rather politely for the crude wording.

I flipped him off and walked away not looking back. I noticed I was in the middle of the busy room and cursed myself for putting me in this position, vulnerable, I felt the walls start to close in, I push myself through the crowd of college kids and made my way out to the patio. The cold late January air was bitter but relaxed my humid skin in the slightest way. 

"dammit" I muttered under my breath as I walked across the damp yard, almost tripping in my lavender doc martins. I could still feel my chest closing in, and I started to hyperventilate slightly as I paced the driveway.