water droplets //dnf//

ch1: shower thoughts

~Dream POV

No, I don't want to get up today. My head is pounding, the sun is too bright, my alarm is too loud. I got two hours of sleep and no caffeine. But I have to.

I check my phone..{8:30}.. It's not even that early what's wrong with me. I take my headache pills beside my bed before struggling to remove myself from the comfort of the sheets. It hurts. Lay back down. Too much work.

But I'm doing it for him.. Them. George and Sap wanted to play at 9 before Sapnap left for his camping trip.. meaning he wouldn't be able to play with us. If it wasn't for them I'd be much more depressed and wouldn't be able to cope with anything. The least I can't do is wake up at 8:30.

I brush my teeth half-heartily, and decide to take a quick shower since I have some time left to spare. I grab my my speaker from my room hoping it's charged enough to last the whole time of my shower.

I turn on the water to warm..hearing the water trickle gives me a subtle sense of nostalgia. I step out of my sweatpants and hoodie I've been wearing for three days straight. I tossed it near the laundry basket not bothering to actually pick it up to put it in the actual container. I hop in the shower and chose my shower playlist

-sweater weather:the neighborhood
-mr. lover man:rick montgomery
-heatwaves:glass animals
-mystery of love:sufjan stevens
-505:arctic monkeys
and others along that line.

I press shuffle hoping it wasn't one of the many sad songs because right after the shower I'm playing with the boys, but it landed on 'mystery of love'. Just the song to vibe to before playing minecraft.

*start song*

But I love the song what can I say. I sing along quietly while washing my hair..
*oh to see without my eyes
hmhmm hmhm hmmm
boundless by the time i cried*

The song is sad, but It makes me feel something and nowadays that's hard to do. I'll do anything as long as it makes me feel emotions. I miss feeling things often. Instead of being alone and still in the world.

The water droplets falling down my face feels comforting. But besides the point, I leave the shower, blue towel wrapped around only my waist. I look in the bathroom mirror, not for anything in particular I'm just.. looking. But as I walk back to my room I realize I have only 2 minutes to get dress and dry my hair. I was also planning on repainting my nails but I can do that whenever. I put on a pair of sweatpants and my merch since it's the easiest thing to grab out of my drawer.

Im about to get on.. what if they don't like you anymore, what if george doesn't want you to be his bestfriend.. don't get on

No.. No.. It's fine I'm just a little anxious. I do this everyday, I need to chill.

After multiply self arguments at exactly 9:02 I joined the Discord Voice Chat with George and Sap.. my 2 best friends.

"Heyyy Clay.. I almost thought you didn't wake up!", Sap seems proud of me. He's known I've had depression for a long time now.

"Nope I made it haha! I must've been in the shower for longer than I thought.", I respond trying to sound happy. Well I am because I'm with George and Sap... I just have trouble portraying it.

"Hey Dream.".. I froze..it's George.. do I say 'Hey' or ask how he is um..

After a few seconds I snap out of his because J hear a familiar voice.. "Dream hey? you alright?", thank goodness for Sapnap.

"Yeah I'm  sorry, Patches was distracting me.. Hey George.". I struggled saying it but George also knows I have depression and have trouble conveying feelings so he doesn't expect anything.

Then we talk, the whole group together playing minecraft. One last time before a month of just me and George.

Why am I so nervous he's my best friend. Dream he doesn't like you, he thinks you're pathetic, you don't deserve to be friends with him.

"NO".. I didn't realize I shouted until the voice chat went silent.

"Dream.. it's okay if you have to take a break. I'll just facetime you before I leave.", Sapnap said encouragingly.

I smile because Sap is the only person I facetime regularly because he knows my face.
"Yeah.. sorry again.", I really was sorry, but more confused about these weird thoughts.

"Okay good bye George, bye Sap" I said frowning. As soon as I was about hang up I heard his voice..
"Yeah. Bye! Love you-", but he stopped.
"George did you just tell me you loved me..".. I was ecstatic. I left the call.

George told me he loved me. He doesn't tell anyone. And be just told me of all people..
Why am I so excited. I shouldn't be this happy over that-

I try to game to get my mind off of things. I've tried every game under the sun.. but all I can think about his him..

"Love you"