water droplets //dnf//

<3

I hope George is happy. In the field of course, taking in all of the color that he can. I hope I can be okay, living without him.

Every once and awhile I visit the field. Sit with the blue flowers, and George by my side. Sometimes he's not there, maybe he's busy, maybe he gets tired. But I can feel when he is.

He sits besides be and listens to the music, just the playlist he made me.

I really do hope he's happy. He was my whole heart. And I wouldn't replace the time we shared with anything, or anyone.

It's him, it's always been him, and it will always be him. George was, is, and will be everything to me. I'll keep his clothes, his belongings, and all traces of him with me.

Tonight I'm planning on taking a trip to his field. I'm going to bring the book that we've both read now. I made sure to read it twice to get a true understanding. I'll read him my favorite lines, show him my annotations, and tell him how much I loved it. He always had the best taste.

I cannot wait to see him so that he can talk back. Maybe he'll disagree with one of my notes and we'd get into a snarky argument. But laugh it off because of how ridiculous it is.

One day, but for now I'll just keep talking to him. I don't need a response to know he's there.

-

This field has become a second home for me.

I tend to find comfort in the scent of the morning dew, and the stars at night.

And tonight it's the moon. How it just happened to be full. Bright and bold and beautiful, no shame to show its true self.

When talking to George I feel different. I'll never bring up what he did, although the tension is always there. We both know how the conversation will go. So I tell him about my day, I always give him a second to respond if he wants to. Even though I can't hear it.

I go to our spot and open the book. I go through every chapter, explaining my thoughts and little rants every now and then. I can imagine what he'd say..

'you're overthinking it babe.. read it again.'

So I do read it again.

And I do this until the morning, I reread the whole book with him, having his 'insight' is something Ill miss fondly. But reading with him works for now, and I still get the idea of what he's trying to say. Although in my opinion he's wrong..

As the sun comes up I read a familiar part of the book, then stop. This next line has affected me in particular and I was so excited to show it to George.

I stop when I see the quote I wanted to show him. It's one I took all night to read. It was the perfect quote.

we were warm and shivering,
and young and ancient,
and alive.
i was thinking, it's true.
we already love eachother.
we already do.