You're Special To Me

Dan's POV- 32

A/N: Self-harm in this one guys! Don't read if you don't want to!

"Dan!" Phil called from his bedroom. "Dan c'mere!"

I was in my browsing position so there was no way I was getting up and walking to Phil's room, which seemed like miles away, but he continued his shouting until, eventually, I marched into his room and sighed. "What is it?"

"Guess what?" He bit his bottom lip excitedly. I made to guess (I don't even know what) but he told me anyway. "BCC Radio 1 have just called us and offered us a job there."

"As radio presenters?" I asked, sitting next to him on the bed. He was scrolling through his emails and comments, not bothering to answer my question. I took his silence as a yes. "That's amazing! We may be able to go to America!" I gasped, taking his warm hand in my cold one.

"Mmmhmmm" Phil mumbled, typing something on his laptop without looking at me once. He did that often, and I would get so confused. Had I upset him? Is he mad with me? What have I done? But whenever I ask he pushes the question aside like it was nothing.

"Phil?" I asked quietly. He did look at me, but his eyes were annoyed.

"Yes, Dan?" He waited for me to say something, but I couldn't think of any other than the usual that he never answered.

"Nothing." I muttered and stood up to leave the room. Suddenly I felt his hand grab mine and he was looking desperately into my eyes. "Uh... Phil?"

"Dan, I'm sorry. Please stay." He begged, but I didn't want to stay if he was going to act like he had been lately. I shook my head and walked out, slamming the door behind me. Anger flooded up inside of me, but it wasn't for Phil, it was for myself. I was obviously doing something wrong, but what was it?

"For God's sake!" I yelled to myself, grabbing a pillow from the sofa and throwing it. "Get a grip and make someone happy for once! You're a worthless peice of sh!t and you need to get a flipping life!" I slammed my head against the wall, hard but not hard enough to do any damage, and fell to the floor, trying my best not to cry as the world span around me. "Just give up, Dan." I whispered quietly. "No one cares about you."

Very slowly, I walked into the kitchen, where knives were placed in an orderly fashion.

I lifted one by the handle and pressed it to my skin, drawing blood. The prick at first stung like Hell, but after that the ice-cold feeling was pleasant and made me forget about everything with Phil. I enjoyed doing it... I couldn't care less what anyone else thought.

***

Two hours had passed and Phil still hadn't left his room. And I was still making marks on my skin. I was literally coated in them, and it wasn't until the pleasantness stopped that the pain came back and I dropped the knife in shock. It clattered on the floor, making a loud noise despite how small it was. I quickly picked it up and ran it under the tap to wash away all of the blood. As for me, I wet a sponge and dabbed my cuts, being very fast because I could hear Phil's door open and close. I tossed the sponge away, grabbed my jacket from the counter where I had threw it and pulled it on. Hopefully Phil wouldn't notice.

When he walked in groggily, I pretended I was rummaging around for food to eat, and he moved behind me to wrap his hands around my waist. I stiffened. "Dan, I'm sorry about these past couple of days." He whispered, tugging on the collar of my jacket. My heat was thumping as I turned to face him. "I've been... dealing with a lot lately, and..." He growled in frustration. "I can make it up to you, though."

He tried to pull of my jacket, but I pulled away, my face burning red. He couldn't see the cuts. "Uh, I accept your apology, but are you sure you want to do it again? I mean, I think last time put you off..." I stopped speaking. His expression was confused, and then he was smirking.

"Dan, I do want to do this. Last time didn't put me off, I just needed time to recover." He wrapped his arms around my neck and locked his lips with mine. I groaned at the sudden contanct, but didn't pull away. It was almost too late when I realised Phil's sly hands creeping up to remove my jacket. I pushed them back down, making it look like I was teasing him. He giggled and tried again, but, again, I didn't let him.

"Oh come on, Dan." He begged, looking into my eyes with his big blue ones. And once again he tried to take my jacket, but I grabbed his hands and used them to pull him into me more. He gasped as my mouth fell on his. I just had to distract him until he got bored. "Bedroom?" He asked breathlessly.

"Nah." I replied, pulling away a little. "Here will do."

"In the kitchen. I'm sorry, but our food belongs in here." He grabbed my hand and dragged me across the hallway, into my room. "This is better, isn't it?" He asked, jumping onto my bed. I stood by the door awkwardly, pulling my sleeves over my hands. "Come over here and take that jacket off."

I shook my head, backing away a little. "I, uh..." What could I say? "I'm cold." Good one Dan. That was just great.

"I'll make you warm again." Phil laughed, but it slowly faded away. "Do you not want to do this, Dan?" He asked, looking a little sad.

Again, I shook my head and then bowed it in shame. "No. Not today." I did want it, more than anything, but not after I had cut. He couldn't know!

"Oh." Phil rose from the bed and his face went bright red. "Ok then. Thank you for making me look like a total idiot, Dan."

"What?- I-" I spluttlered, but he had shoved past me. I stood alone in my room, cold for real.