You're Special To Me

Phil's POV- 9

My one true chance to tell Dan how I felt... gone. That day when I felt like I could do anything... gone! And now that he is gone, and I'm helping my parents clean the car, I can't help but think what would've happened if I had managed to tell him? Would he have taken it lightly, or will he be gone from my life forever? Probably the latter, I thought as I scrubbed at the window. And since when would I tell Dan to climb a ladder to my room? Since when would I swear? I knew I was not myself, but I could not deny my feelings. I always thought I was straight, but the least I could do was tell Dan I was not straight; that I was, in fact, gay. What I would not tell him is that I'm in love with my best friend. He cannot know that. I may love him, but I still want a best friend. If he took it the wrong way, I would lose him forever, and I would not be able to live without him.

"Go on," my mum sighed.

I blinked. "Pardon?"

"I know you want to see Dan. You've helped me enough." She smiled sweetly at me.

Smiling, I dropped my sponge into the bucket of water and kissed her cheek. "Thanks mum." And then I jogged away, still covered in soapy water. I gained a few stares from passer-bys, but I ignored them and continued jogging. And then I froze.

I was going to see Dan. He was probably confused. He will want to know what I was going to say. What will I say? That I'm gay? He deserved to know, but could I do it now? Yes. I had to. He had to be the first to know. Now would have to do.

I resumed jogging, my mind spinning with ways of how I'm going to tell him, until I stopped once more. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. He would shame me. He would hate me.

"Phil?" asked a familiar voice from behind. My heart stopped, and dread settled in, as I slowly turned around. It was him alright, his brown hair swept to one side and his deep brown eyes confused. His eyes were the first things I had fallen in love with. "What are you doing out here? Why are you wet?" His concern touched me, but before I knew it I was crying. Why? I had no idea. I felt Dan's arms go around me, and he was comforting me, like he always did when I was upset.

"I need t-to tell y-y-you something." I sobbed into his black shirt. He wore black so much lately it worried me. "Can we go somewhere alone?"

I felt Dan nod, and he was pulling me into an alley, which opened up to the park on the other side. We walked through the gates and sat on our usual bench, the one we had sat on everyday after school to do some homework or studying. I shifted for a bit as Dan watched me, waiting for what I was going to say, until I finally turned to look him in the eyes. Then the words rolled off my tongue easily:

"I don't know how you're going to react to this, but please don't hate me. I beg that of you. You are the first to know that... I-I'm gay. I only realised yesterday, and I was going to tell you before, but I didn't get the chance and... please say something." I closed my mouth and stared sadly into his expressionless eyes. He had listened, now what was his reaction?

After a moment of awkward silence, I began to fear what he would do, until I saw his mouth stretch into a smile. His arms went around me and he was hugging me. "That's great Phil. I'm happy for you. There is nothing wrong with being gay, you don't have to be scared."

A painful relief settled over me and I began to cry again. Through my sobs I managed to croak out two small words that have a large meaning: "Thank... you."