You're Special To Me

Dan's POV- 10

I was glad Phil had opened up to me. He had looked so scared and ashamed that I felt like I was doing something wrong. Why would my best friend be scared to tell me something? But then I knew why. He was gay. There was nothing bad about that, but I worried about him. Would he get beat up? What would his parents think? It wasn't for me to think about that sort of stuff, but it was hard not to. Luckily, my family could take my mind off it sometimes.

"Adrian! Dan! Have you finished packing?" My mum shouted from downstairs. I tore my thoughts away from Phil and replied with a quick "yes!" whereas Adrian screamed "help me!" I grumbled under my breath before zipping my case and propping it up against my bed. We may be going to Lanzarote, but I had packed black shirts, black skinny jeans and four pairs of dark grey and white shorts. Why dark colours in a hot country? I wasn't myself again, as I was never myself since I was twelve. For one whole year my life was perfect all because of Phil, but something had changed. Of course I still had him, but my mind didn't seem to want to make me look at things positively. Everything in my life was terrible. I hated it all.

Screaming f*ck, I kicked the case and the bed frame shook. I heard my mum run upstairs, and Adrian trying to open my door, but I wasn't going to let them in. It was one of those moments. I wasn't going to take it out on them. In anger, I ripped open the case and threw everything out, tears streaming down my face. I didn't know why. But it was too much, having a life. I couldn't have one; I didn't deserve one.

My mum and brother were banging on my door, shouting at me to let them in, but I told them to F off. I wasn't allowed to swear.

"Daniel, open the door!" Mum pleaded, twisting the handle. The lock on my door prevented them from entering. "Please. I'm just worried about you!"

"Go away!" I cried and screamed, throwing my sandals at the wood. It shook. "I don't want to see you!"

"Dan..." I could hear the hurt, but at that moment I was hurt. And it was so painful. The otherside went quiet, and I heard them retreating back down the stairs. I breathed a sigh of relief before curling up on my bed and sobbing into the sheets.

***

Ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I didn't care who it was. I heard them come in and my mum speaking, and then they were running upstairs. I made sure my door was locked before hearing the knock.

"Go away whoever you are! Leave me alone!" My voice cracked and I erupted into another fit of coughing.

"Dan? It's me." Phil said softly.

My crying died down. Phil was here. That was good. Slowly, I unlocked my door and let him in. He saw my distraught face and wrapped me in a hug. I cried into his shoulder. "I don't want to go. Not with them."

"I'm going, don't forget." He soothed, not letting me go. "I'll be there. Come on. Let me help you pack." He bent down to the floor and stared to fold up the shirts.

"Make the pain stop." I begged. This caused him to freeze, and then look up at me, confused. "Please." I whimpered. "Make it stop." Bubbles were forming in the corners of my mouth and my nose was running. I must've looked a mess. "I can't live with the pain. Just make it stop!" And I fell forwards, straight into him, and he caught me with a yelp of surpirse. Everything ached, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. How could one live like that?

"Dan, listen to me." Phil's voice was stern and confident, but only I could detect the slight shake and the sweaty palms. "God gave us a life because we are strong enough to live it. You taught me that. I believe that you are strong. Maybe you just need that little push."

I rubbed away my tears. "Little push?" I croaked.

"Someone to lean on, or to guide you through the maze that is a human life. Right now you're at a dead end and you think everything is over. You're lost. You'te confused. But there will always be someone to help you find your way. You just need someone, that's all."

It took me five counts before I knew exactly what to say. "I need you." I paused, waiting for his reaction, but he only stared at me. "Phil, I can't do it without you. Please. Help me. It hurts too much." I buried my face into his chest, and I heard the shakes in his breath. "Phil?"

"Yeah?" He stroked my hair lovingly.

That was when I realised the truth. Everything brightened and I smiled. "Doesn't matter. I'll tell you one day, but right now just get rid of the pain."

He already had.