321 Reasons

Acorn Street

Friday 2:58 pm
I opened the doors to the grey building. You'd think for a therapy building they'd try to make it more fun. Why didn't they paint like bright yellow or something, maybe then I wouldn't hate coming here all the time. I held my keys and my list of ten reasons why I shouldn't kill myself in my hand and walked in, slightly trembling. I went back outside and took a big whiff of my cigarette and threw it in a nearby ash tray. My therapist doesn't know I smoke, because if she did, she'd probably try and get me to stop it; and I didn't want to stop.

3:02pm
Everyone who usually comes had arrived. Except Gina, I wonder where she was. Maybe she was in a car accident, god what if she's dead. How would the funeral have gone, and what about her sister. She said there would be no one to take care of her anymore. Are her parents dead, or abusive? Would anyone even show up to funeral then? What if she doesn't need therapy anymore. How do you even know if you don't need therapy anymore. Is it a feeling of bliss or does someone come and tell you that you're all better now. Does group therapy even work.

"Okay guys were going to go over the list of reasons you did for homework about why you should stay here." We went in a circle. Something cats, something pancakes, something money and playing the guitar. I wasn't really focusing on everyone one else's answers. I was looking at my own paper, I didn't want to mess up. My eyes kept drifting to number 3. "Purple hair" I don't know why I was still thinking about her. She doesn't go to my school, I'll probably never see her again. I don't even want to.

It was my turn. I read my ten reasons for staying alive. After each one I felt my voice go a little quieter. What if everyone was secretly making fun of my answers. I bet the old lady was going to mock me again for saying that I'm only alive to see people mess up using chopsticks.

4:00 pm
"Luna! Hey, can you stay back for a little? I just wanted to talk to you for a second." The lady was totally gonna make fun of me for what I said. "Yeah but I need to leave soon, I'm going to miss my bus"
"This'll only take a minute."

"First off, love the new hair." She smiled, as if waiting for a response. "Oh...thanks." It was an awkward start, but then she got to what she really wanted to say. "I was listening to your responses today.." Here we go. She's going to talk about how I didn't do it correctly. How do you even mess this up. It wasn't even that hard of an assignment. Why didn't you just lie or something. "...and I was wondering where you thought of all those things"

I hesitated. "I dunno, they were just things that happened and I wrote them down."

"Do these things make you feel better? Like getting your work done early, and red noses after being in the cold. Do they make you smile?"

"I guess so...they don't make me upset." I replied.
She began, "Okay Luna, before you come to class next week, can you write as many things as possible, whatever you see that makes you happy, any reason that makes you want to stay alive. Can you do that for me?"

"I don't like sharing my reasons with the group, I feel like they're judging me."
"That's okay, you don't have to show anyone, you don't even have to show me. But still, can you do it?"
"I suppose"

4:19 pm
I left the building and reached the bus stop earlier today than last time. I had time to kill and I took the paper out of my pocket.
"No Margret, I didn't make the pasta I thought you were.." A man in mufflers and a dark blue was talking on the phone, walking briskly past.
A lady walking her chihuahua walked past him the other way and they bumped into each other. He yelled at her, which I thought was unnecessary.

11. Waiting at the bus stop and seeing people walk by.

There's so many people in the world and they're all living their own little lives and sometimes our lives collide with other people living their own lives. That's kinda cool. We're all in our own little bubble of things, and no one knows what's happening in anyone else's bubble. Do soulmates bubbles then combine into one big bubble? Are soulmates even real.
12. The idea of a soulmate

4:31 pm
I got on the bus and the person behind me said good afternoon to the bus driver, and I felt guilty for not ever saying hello to him before, I never even looked at him, and I'd been taking that bus for weeks. I promised myself that next time I would.
13. People who say hi to the bus drivers just because

I sat down in the same middle seat, I put my headphones in again and looked out the window, waiting for the bus to move. After a couple of seconds, I looked at the passengers boarding and although I was drifting asleep, I could have sworn I saw purple hair. I jolted up. No way. There is no way. I stood up a little to get a better view, but not enough so she could see me. The purple hair girl didn't even look at the rest of the bus, she just sat in the front seat near the aisle. What am I doing, why do I care. She's just another girl I crossed bubbles with. Whatever.

But I had unconsciously moved from the window to aisle seat now, so I could see the top of her head.

The bus started moving and stopped twice before we reached Maple Drive. The purple hair girl got up and left, and after a minute without thinking, I did too.

I rushed out the bus, following her slowly. I had to know if it was her. Purple hair isn't common, so it totally could be. She turned on Acorn street. I stopped at the intersection of Maple and Acorn, only a couple hundred feet behind her. What the fuck are you doing. I have no idea where I am, and I'm following some random girl. Jesus fuck. She walked into the third house on acorn street. Great. Now you're a stalker. You've stalked a girl you barely know, and now you know where she lives. What were you even thinking, you idiot.