321 Reasons

Lover boy

Tuesday 9:48 pm
I had her number, she didn't have mine, which meant I had to text her first. I stood in front of the mirror, with a small yellow light glowing in the corner of my room. In the mood for some vinyl, I went over and put a record on the track.

I was also completely naked, because I was home alone and honestly who needs clothes. I looked at my entire body for the first time in a very long time in the full length mirror next to my door. I looked at the millions of dots and birthmarks on my stomach and shoulders.
54. Little dots on my body
I looked at how my body creased when I twisted to the side and how my boobs were really uneven.
55. Uneven boobs

Good old-fashioned Lover Boy started playing and I smiled thinking about when Jeremy first played it for me. I was eight years old and Jeremy wasn't old
enough to go out yet so he had to baby sit me and we spent a lot of time at the diner where mom worked. We tried listening to almost every song on the juke box and the one that Jeremy liked the best was Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy.

When I heard it playing, a smile crept on my face and I hummed the beginning. By the middle of the song I was fully into singing it, and not really caring about anyone else. I held my phone as a mic and pointed at my reflection in the mirror.

I'm not sure why I was so happy, maybe because I made a friend, and because I finally talked to her, and I was finally excited about something, which hadn't happened in a very long time.
56. Singing as loud as you want when you're home alone
57. Dancing in your room completely naked
58. Remembering old songs from when you were a kid.

10:12 pm
I did have to text her first though. I don't know why I was thinking about it so hard. "Hey! It's Luna" or is that too straightforward. "hey it's the thirteen cent girl" or is that too weird. I don't want to be referred to as that. "This is Luna." I do want to say hey. Jesus, she's just a person.

"Hey this is Luna, from the bus earlier today." Sent 10:14 pm
59. Being nervous about sending texts
60. Waiting excitedly for a response

Buzz. Not even two minutes later. "Hey! It's Sophia. What's up :)" I didn't think I'd make it this far. Now it's my turn. I have to say something. What would I even say. Do I ask her how her day was. What if she thinks I'm being weird. Why am I taking so long to answer. I reached for a cigarette and took a long drag. I was really anxious. I did not want to mess it up. I lowered the volume on the music as if that would help me think better.

"How's it going." Sent 10:22pm. Jesus fuck. You took six minutes to write that.

"It's going good, wanna see a picture of my cat?" Received 10:22pm. I mean of course I did, but I don't have any pets to show her. "Yeah, sure" sent 10:24 pm. Did that seem sarcastic? Or like I didn't care. I do care, I really do.

*image attached* her cat was black and white and seemed really calm. I've never had a pet before, but her cat seems friendly enough. "Her names Annabeth." Received 10:25 pm. "She's cute, I don't have any pets, though." Sent 10:27 pm
61. Cats
62. People who name they're pets people names.

She seemed to text so easily, she replied so quickly, like she didn't have to think for six minutes on what to say. I wish I could talk to her all day, it seemed easy to talk to her.
63. Wanting to talk to someone

"Bummer....We should hang out sometime and get to know each other." Received 10:27 pm

I wonder if she ever thought about dying. I wonder if she got to know me, would she freak out if she learned I tried killing my self. I decided not to tell her that, ever. But one day, I would thank her for saving me. If it wasn't for her, and her stupid purple hair and her thirteen cents, I would have swallowed another pill.

That reminds me, "Yeah, for sure. I need to give you your thirteen cents haha." Sent 10:32 pm

"Thank god, I've been waiting for days haha..." Received 10:33 pm. At least she understands my sarcasm. Maybe she'll understand me.

64. Being understood truly by someone