321 Reasons

An Us kind of thing

It had been weeks since taco night, and we texted almost everyday. I'd been feeling a lot better, especially when I was with her. I barely spent any time at home now, which was better since I wasn't alone. Every-time we met each other, or texted each other, we would greet the other by saying one more reason to stay alive. It's how we opened for conversation, and how we knew what the other person was doing. We'd gone through so many reasons by now, and I wrote every single one down. I had transferred the list from a scrappy lined paper to an actual book. I called it the reasons book. We were at reason 274 by now. Sophias the only other person that knows this book exists. It's a me and her kind of thing; an Us kind of thing. We exist in our own little bubble now, and I felt kind of invincible.

275. Having a best friend who understand you, and you feel comfortable around

Niji and I still walked home everyday and I told her I made a new friend, and she was happy that I was talking to more people. She was the only other person besides my family who knew about the incident and she was really there for me afterwards, which felt great. She hung out at my house everyday to make sure I was okay, and bought me food and totally spoiled me. But after two months, it felt like it had never even happened, because she began drifting away again, and we went back to only walking home again. And there was nothing I could do. I guess that's why I didn't tell her that I might like girls.

Sophia told me that she dated a girl before she moved to my town, which made me jealous to know that she might have kissed someone else. It's not like we were dating or anything though. I just started realizing that I didn't have to like boys just because every other girl I knew liked boys. Sophia was the first person I had ever really known that liked girls, and I admired her. I didn't tell Sophia even, that I liked girls, because I just wouldn't know how to tell her, it's not like I've ever dated one before.

276. Realizing your sexuality

Sometimes after school, we walked around town and went window shopping at the local stores.

277. Window shopping

Last week, we went inside Julies Fashion and tried on fancy items even though there was no way we could afford it. "Okay lune, but imagine what this blue cardigan and white hat would look like on you." Sophia mocked. "Soph, you've gotta try these stupid yellow shoes on." It was a thing now that we had, nicknames.

278. Nicknames
279. Sarcasm

We understood each other, in a way better than Niji and I had. I felt like myself with Sophia, I didn't have to pretend. Pretend to be straight, I immediately thought.

280. Feeling like yourself after a long time

Sophia tried on the yellow shoes and looked in the mirror. I looked at her too, which I caught myself doing a lot lately. Not because I was attracted to her, god no. I just thought she was really pretty. And even if she was wearing the world most ugliest yellow shoes, she looked gorgeous.

I still went to therapy sessions, and we still rode the bus together on Tuesday's and Fridays. I still hadn't told her I tried killing myself, but I did mention that I went to therapy because she asked where I was coming from. She also told me that her mom home schooled her and that's why she didn't go to my school, and it's probably why her mom and her are so close.

Sophia and I decided to take our road test on the same day because we decided to move away from public transport and didn't want to unless the other one could drive as well. I went first and Soph waited at the DMV for her turn. I sat down in the car for my test with the test guy in the passengers seat. He asked me to make a U turn, and a K turn, which was always my weak spot. I remembered practicing with Sophia and her explaining why it was even called a K turn in the first place, because in all honesty, it did not look like a K from any angle. I giggled a little remembering it, which probably made the guy confused but he didn't mention it. By the end of the test, we were both in one piece, thankfully and I passed the test.