She Wouldn't Say Goodbye. (Guns N' Roses)

Eighteen

-Bill-

"Izzy, I'm gonna go over to Steve's place." I walked from the back bedroom, into the living room where Izzy was. "Hey, can we talk?" He asked, standing up. "I mean- I got to go."  "No, Bill- I think I'm going to leave A.X.L." I looked at him confused, I thought he wanted to be in a band with me. "Why?"  "I don't know, just not feelin' it. I want to be in a band with you. But, I don't like the other guys, Chris is pretty cool. I'm going over to this guys place tonight with a tape. He's a guitar player, and I've heard he's pretty good. So- maybe we could talk to some other guys."  "Fine, sure, Iz. do what ever you want too. I'm going to head out though. Because this is still our band and I actually want this, man."  "You gotta understand, Bill." I really didn't have to understand anything, it was hard for me to believe Izzy or Kat. I still have suspicions about the two of them. "I don't have to understand anything, Jeff." I was done talking about it. "I know Steve want's to be in A.X.L. you can let him play guitar, instead of me." I walked out the front door, knowing Izzy wouldn't really care about what happened once I left. I went to the bus stop down the street and waited until they picked me up, Steve's house was right at a stop near the valley. Taking the bus was kind of nice, all these people around you don't know, going about their lives just like I am. It was never easy to clear my mind, but I couldn't stop thinking about Kitten and everything that happened when I got back home. Something in side me, says she wouldn't lie to me. I just wanted to trust someone, I couldn't trust my own mother, for Christ sake. She lied about who I am, she lied about my real father and nobody in my family stopped her. All that shit that I went through, what if none of that happened, would I be the person I am today? Would I have even met Kat or Jeff, would I even be in California right now? 'Cause being a sixteen year old kid and sneaking around after Church with Kat, running wild. I wouldn't dream of changing that. Or when we got drunk together for the first time, she was so pretty, her eyes rolling around, speaking out of context every other breath. Why do I have to think about her at all, when I know she doesn't want me? And Jeff, even in the amount of time he was here in L.A. and I was there in Lafayette, he changed. For the good, for the bad- I don't know. Even though I had to leave, it felt weird Amy and Stuart staying behind. I mean- out of everyone other than Kat and Iz. They were my siblings, supposedly I had 'family'. But that word wasn't something I had often thought wasn't something I had, and when it came down to it. Who would be there for me, did I even really care who it was? Too many questions can be asked to one's self, with no answers readily available. Before long the bus stopped out near Steve's place. And I rang his apartment, so he'd let me in. He know I was on my way, so it didn't take him long.

"Hey, come on in." I walked past him, letting my eyes adjust to the difference in light. "How are you doing?" He questioned, shutting the door behind me. "I'm okay- I guess. Me and Kat got in a argument this morning, I'm pretty bummed about it." I answered, being truthful about my feelings. I trusted Steve wouldn't tell anyone about.  "Dude, what happened. Like- I thought you and her got along good." I sat down on his worn out, brown, leather couch. And sighed heavy. "We do. I don't know what to say about it."  "I have a question though, Is she your girlfriend, or what?"  "No, she's not. I just want her to be." Steve came and sat down on the chair across from me, he ruffled his hair. "Then why don't you ask her out or something, I know you aren't shy?" I shrugged, "I don't know, she's different. And her and Jeff have been running around, I don't know what's going on." "Well did you ask her about it, is that what you two fought about?" I shook my head, "Yeah, man. And I asked her about it, I asked Jeff too, they both denied everything." Steve leaned back and looked out the small living room window. "Well, they've been friends just as long as you and Kat have. Maybe they're just hanging out." I nodded my head, and thought about earlier events. Somewhere inside I felt guilty about saying those things to Katherine and Jeff. They wouldn't lie to me, would they?

-Kat-

My shift went by fairly slow that day, and by six thirty I could go home. I had another late shift, starting at two in the morning, covering for another Woman who's young son was sick. So It was in my best interest to try to take a nap or something before my long night proceeded. Even from a few blocks away, I could already hear the bars in full swing for tonight's band showcases. I got to the apartment and unlocked the door, as I'd done a hundred times before. Bill still wasn't back, but Izzy was there, I guess he never left. He was sitting in the floor playing along to a Bob Dylan record. He heard me come in the door and looked up. "Hey, Iz." He flipped the needle arm off the record player, and gave a goofy smile my way. I walked over and sat down next to him. "Hi, Kat, how was work?" "Eh, fine. I have to go back in at two and cover for somebody." He nodded and sat his guitar against the wall. He laughed randomly. "What is it?" I questioned. "What the hell was Bill going on about this morning?" I lied down across Izzy's lap, he brushed his hands across the back of my neck. I laughed at earlier a well. "I don't know, he thought you and I were hooking up?" Izzy nodded his head and went silent. I always wondered what he was thinking about when he was quite like that, I always knew how Bill felt. He was usually a pretty vocal person, but Jeff had always been a different story. He was one of the sweetest people in the world, but he could really leave a person wondering as to what was going on. I knew he just never really thought anyone needed his input that much. I don't know, he was mysterious I guess, as cliche as that sounds. I looked up at his eyes, as he just stared at the wall.