She Wouldn't Say Goodbye. (Guns N' Roses)

Chapter Forty-Four

-Kat-

I couldn't exactly remember how many rides we'd gotten or the last time I'd eaten anything, my stomach growled audibly as we hopped out of the old Station Wagon in front of 410 5th Ave South or The Gorilla Gardens as it was better known. The truck driver had taken us as far as he could; somewhere near Lakeview, Washington was where he let us out, I think it was about Fifty miles outside of Portland. We spent a long, cold night sleeping at a truck stop there and I can firmly say I don't ever want to sleep at a truck stop in Portland again. We all looked horrible and smelled even worse, all ratty and sore from being cramped up with one another for what felt like a month but was really only a couple of days.  "Shit, we gotta hurry," Duff spoke, looking both ways down the street before heading off towards the venue. The area of town was rough, it definitely reminded me of Los Angeles. 

A small group of shady looking punks stood near the door of the bar smoking cigarettes and openly drinking from brown beer bottles, they watched our ratty group of six approach with Duff leading us. I just hoped he knew what to do, Duff nodded at the group fitting in with them seamlessly. One of them stepped out of the way so we could all walk inside, upon opening the door the music blasted us in the face, It was some fast punk song I'd never heard of before. I felt someone's hand touch the small of my back, guiding me through the door, I looked over my shoulder to see Izzy a few inches from me. His gaunt face was illuminated by the red lighting that hung overhead, he looked at me briefly before turning his eyes back to his shoes. My eyes drifted off to the side to see a woman wearing clothes that were non-existent as she straddled what looked to be some metalhead guy, she bobbed up and down on his lap, it was obvious they were fucking in the middle of this club. "Are you okay?" Izzy whispered making me tear my eyes away from the couple, his hand still rested on my back, his cold calloused fingers tracing my bare flesh. 

The rest of Guns walked ahead and started jumping up on the stage, taking over the instruments that were left there by the previous band, except Axl who was off to the side speaking to what looked to be the club manager. Izzy pulled me off into a dark corner right outside the bathrooms, "Hey, you're not pissed at me or anything, are you?" He questioned his tone hushed so no one else could hear. I looked at him slightly bewildered, "No, what would make you think that?" He shrugged looking down at the grimy floor, "You didn't sit with me or talk to me after we- you know, we kissed yesterday." I shook my head, "I'm definitely not mad at you f-" I got cut off mid-sentence by Duff, "Izzy, we gotta hurry and play, we're running late." "I'm on my way." Izzy waved him off before Duff walked back through the crowd towards the small stage. "What were you saying?" Izzy questioned his eyes meeting mine, he gave me one of his unreadable expressions. 

"I-uh, fuck it." I started before quickly pressing my lips against his before I could talk myself out of the action, Izzy was stiff at first before relaxing against me, his right hand resting against my waist. My eyes closed automatically relishing in the sensation of his chapped mouth moving against my own soft lips. Every time I kissed him it sent a shockwave through my body, standing here in a dingy bar in Seattle only made it that much more exhilarating. I never would have thought I would end up feeling this way for my best friend since childhood; Izzy Stradlin or Jeffrey Isbell as he was known then. Am I really falling for him, or is this something I can chalk up to being lust playing tricks with my mind? It shook me to think about the situation, was I really in love with my junkie best friend? 

 I reluctantly pulled my mouth away from his, a silence between us, not an awkward one but a silence nonetheless. Izzy licked his bottom lip out of habit, a shy smile on his face as he shook his head. "Go play your show." I smiled, bumping into him with my shoulder. "Only if you come watch." He replied, leading me back towards the room we came from earlier. He pushed through a few people standing next to the stage and climbed up the small set of steps. "You guys break a leg!" I shouted as I stood towards the left-hand side where Slash had already grabbed a guitar and was waiting to play, Izzy turned around and shot me a wink before grabbing the last instrument on stage. "Thanks, doll!" Slash grinned before double-checking the volume nobs on his borrowed instrument. They tore into one of their songs as soon as Izzy was plugged in, Reckless Life, there wasn't much of a crowd maybe 15 or 20 people who all looked equally as uninterested. The band was doing their best though, trying to keep everything together but they were pretty sloppy on borrowed gear. I stood there trying to be as enthusiastic as possible hoping maybe some audience members would join in. 

-Izzy-

The set seemed to fly by, Axl stood in the middle of the stage holding onto the microphone stand. "Alright everybody' this is the last song we're gonna play tonight, this is 'Heartbreak Hotel'."  Slash started the lead of the song and I started giving the accompanying rhythm, I looked throughout the crowd reading the faces of the plastered punks that meandered there. The stage lights were bright but it looked like people were liking our set even if they weren't I thought it was a great show, so I didn't really give a fuck what anyone else thought. The song flew by like much of the set and we played the last notes to the song, relishing in the small round of applause that erupted from in front of us. We all quickly discarded our borrowed instruments and filed off the stage, sweaty, hungry, and triumphant that we actually made it to at least one gig out of all we had planned. 

"Uh, I'm ready to go the fuck home," Slash remarked with a tired laugh, scaling the steps off the small stage right in front of me. "You guys were great!" Kat grinned opening her slender arms for a hug, Axl threw his arm around her waist making me furrow my brows. We all walked towards the back of the venue, "Let's go get our money and get the hell outta here," Axl spoke, looking around for the promoter. He stood at the end of the hall, dressed in a suit that seemed to give the wrong impression straight away. We stood back while Axl untangled himself from Kat and approached the man. I couldn't hear much of the conversation but judging solely on Axl's body language the conversation wasn't going well. The short promoter stood there smugly as Axl seemed to grow more enraged by the second, "Fine, no money, I'm just going to burn this shithole to the ground then!" Axl yelled storming away from the conversation and into a nearby green room.

 "What happened?" Duff questioned, fast walking into the room after Axl. "He's not gonna give us the two hundred dollars because we didn't sell any tickets!" Axl answered, taking a lighter out of his pocket and attempting to set a roll of paper towels to light. He tried to get other things in the small room to catch as a trio of bouncers came barreling into the room. "Shit!" Slash cursed, looking towards the imposing security. Axl threw the flaming towels onto the ground as the flame overtook them and took off running out of the room, we all followed his actions and jetted out of the club with the bouncers right on our trails. Axl ran ahead of us and pushed the door open quickly by the time the rest of us got there he was out of sight, I busted through the door with the rest of the guys and Kat right behind me. They gave pretty good chase as we ran screaming from joy and adrenaline out of the building, Axl laughed loudly as we turned the corner around the next street over knowing the bouncers wouldn't follow. 

There was another small bar where we stood and we all ran inside without thinking twice, a drudgy band played on the stage. "Hey I know those guys," Duff spoke, out of breath from running. "Who are they?" Steven questioned, "They're called Soundgarden." "Let's take over their fuckin' stage," Axl suggested, we silently agreed to his idea and stormed the stage. The band was in the middle of some slow, prog-rock bullshit type song as we tried to take their instruments from them. "Hey, guys back the fuck off!" One of them yelled I glanced at Kat who was laughing wildly by the edge of the audience. The band started getting rowdy back at us, as the crowd booed. We jumped from the stage, laughing like hyenas. I grabbed Kat's hand as we jettisoned back onto the street outside. "Should we go party now?" Duff suggested a grin present of his face. "Fuck yeah!" Slash yelled, we all agreed and Duff started leading the way to his friend's place. Even though I was exhausted, starving, and jonesing we had made it here if nothing else. I looked over at Kat who was absentmindedly staring ahead, her eyes lit up by the street lamps on the side of the road. I still tightly held her hand in mine, happy that she was here with us on this insane trip, emotion stirred in my gut as I thought of her. I shook my head and lit a cigarette with my free hand, ready to get fucked up tonight.