Monasterio Series #5: Risks and Chances

Kabanata 29

Kabanata 29

Risk

Alas suddenly scooped me and lay me on the bed. The butterflies in my stomach are starting to get wild when he crawled on top of me and kissed me on the lips again. This time, the kiss went aggressive.

His tongue entered and played with mine. Among all the kisses Alas and I have shared, this is the first time our tongues have met. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hinahayaan ko siyang gawin ito sa akin, kung bakit sinasabayan ko siya. All I just know is that I like the warm feeling he's giving me.

He pulled me, eyeing me with so much passion while brushing his thumb on my cheek.

"Can I make you mine?" he asked, his bubblemint breath lingered in my nose.

Dinala ko ang kamay sa buhok niya at masuyo itong hinaplos, hindi rin inaalis ang tingin sa mga mata niya.

"Do I have a choice? I have just confessed my feelings for you."

He smiled. "Are you regretting it?"

"I don't know. Now that Trish is here—"

"Trish is out of this, Ania. This is just about the two of us. Can you please stop bragging my past because I'm so done with it."

Ngumuso ako. "I'll be honest with you, Alas. This whole damn thing is scaring me. Sinabi mong mahal kita, umamin na rin ako sa'yo. Now that she's here again, I can't help but to think what if the two of you suddenly went back to what you were before? At ako, mababali wala."

Bumuntong hininga siya nang hindi inaalis ang atensyon sa akin. He even brushed the hair away from my face and nodded his head.

"I understand your sentiments. Mahirap para sa'yo ang paniwalaan ako dahil alam mo kung gaano ako nalugmok nang iwan ako ni Trish. I can't blame you, Ania," he sighed. "But can I do something to make those fears go away? I've been true to you ever since we met. I showed you my real colors. You saw me down, you watched me go back to life after being lifeless. I've been so honest to you. May puwede pa ba akong gawin para paniwalaan mo ako? Are those things still not enough for you?"

Hindi ako nakasagot sa kaniya. I saw the desperation in his eyes while saying all those words as if I'm starting to make him frustrated. Kasalanan ko ba kung nakakaramdam ako ng pangamba gayong alam niya nang mahal ko siya?

You should have not confessed about your true feelings for him, Ania. Edi sana ay madali mo siyang maiiwasan kahit na minsan ay hindi ka rin nagtatagumpay.

"I won't waste my time here with you if I still want her back. Kaya kong sabihin sa mismong harapan mo na mahal ko pa rin siya kung iyon ang nararamdaman ko. Pero tang ina, anong magagawa ko kung hindi na nga? Ipipilit mo?"

Ngumuso ako. "Bakit nagagalit ka?"

Bumuga siya ng hangin, inayos ang suot kong t-shirt bago umalis mula sa pagkakapatong sa akin. Nahiga siya sa tabi ko at hindi na kumibo.

Sinulyapan ko siya pero tanging sa kisame lang ang atensyon niya. His jaws are clenching as if he's now being in a foul mood.

Napapagod na rin siguro siya isaksak sa kukote ko na seryoso siya sa akin, na ako na ang mahal niya kahit pa bumalik si Trish. Maybe I'm just too paranoid to take the risk and give myself a chance to be happy with him.

Gamble, Ania.

Umiling ako, bumangon at naupo. "Uuwi na ako."

Astang tatayo na ako nang pigilan ako ni Alas sa kamay dahilan para mapabalik ako sa pagkakaupo sa kama.

"Bakit ka uuwi?" tanong niya, nakasimangot.

"Kasi may sarili akong bahay?"

He rolled his eyes like he's really pissed right now but he has no choice but to act like he's cool with me.

"You're not going home."

"And who are you to tell me that?"

"The man who you fell in love with, I guess?" tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

"So? It's not a big deal. Being in love with you doesn't mean that you can tell me what to do. Ciao!"

Binawi ko ang kamay ko sa kaniya at muli siyang tinalikuran. Ngumisi ako dahil alam kong napipikon na siya sa akin pero wala na lang magawa.

Nagbilang ako sa isip ko. Pagdating ng tatlo ay naramdaman ko ang pagkabig ni Alas sa bewang ko at iniharap ako sa kaniya. He saw me smirking as I faced him. Samantalang siya ay salubong na ang mga kilay.

"Are you tripping me?" he asked.

Umiling ako. "Nagagalit ka, hindi ba? Uuwi na lang ako. Tumila na rin naman ata ang ulan."

Kahit ang totoo ay naririnig ko pa ang kulog sa labas.

Isinuklay niya ang mga daliri sa buhok, tumingala at pumikit ng mariin. Nang magmulat siya at pagod siyang nagbaba ng tingin sa akin.

"Hindi ako nagagalit. Naiirita lang ako dahil pakiramdam ko, kahit anong gawin at pilit ko sa'yo na wala na akong nararamdaman kay Trish, hindi ka pa rin maniniwala dahil mas uunahin mong intindihin 'yang takot mo."

Nawala ang ngisi sa labi ko nang makita ang desperasyon sa mukha niya. Na para bang gusto niyang isigaw sa mukha ko na totoo talaga siya.

I'm already decided right at this time that I'm going to give him a chance. Nagkataon lang na gusto ko siyang asarin. Hindi ko naman alam na wala na pala talaga siya sa mood.

Naririndi na rin ata sa akin.

Tumaas muli ang sulok ng labi ko at umabante palapit sa kaniya. I lifted my hand and placed it on his cheek. Hinaplos ko 'yon habang tinititigan siya sa mga mata niya.

"Galit ka na niyan, Trajano?"

"Tss. Maybe I have to get you pregnant and marry you right away so you'd stop doubting me."

Natawa ako. "Sige. At kapag ginago mo ako, hihiwalayan kita at itatago ko ang anak natin."

"And that would make us fucking trending."

Inakbayan niya ako bago kami naglakad pabalik sa kama. Pinaupo niya ako roon. He squatted in front of me and held my hands. He even brought them on his lips and gave them a feathery kiss.

"Falling in love with me must be really hard for you. And I'm sorry that you have to feel that way. I'm sorry if you're afraid that I might not be true to my words. Let me just ask you one thing..." he said, looking straight into my eyes. "Take the risk of loving me. Please, baby?"