Monasterio Series #5: Risks and Chances

Kabanata 11

Kabanata 11

Real Girlfriend

"Hindi pa rin ako naniniwalang boyfriend mo ang lalaking 'yon, Anya."

Being with Kris suddenly makes me feel like I'm claustrophobic. Kung noon ay gustong-gusto ko ang nakakasama siya, ngayon ay halos parang hindi na ako makahinga. He keeps on bombarding me with his texts and calls. Masiyado na siyang nakakaabala kung hindi niya iyon nahahalata.

I should really put this to an end, if I haven't ended it before. He should realise that I'm not that kind of woman who gives second chances once I am betrayed.

Mukha kasing hindi niya ako nauunawaan kapag sinasabi kong tapos na kami. Na ayaw ko na. Hindi ko alam kung sa paanong paraan niya gustong marinig sa akin na wala na siyang pag-asa. Maging ang pagkukunwari namin ni Alas na magkarelasyon ay parang hindi umuubra sa kaniya.

Or maybe, Alas and I are not trying harder.

"You're not obliged to believe that, Kris." I said looking straight and cold into his eyes.

Hindi siya makatingin sa akin ng maayos. Kung titingin naman, sandali lang at hindi makatagal. He can't do eye contact and I want to shake my head for that. Halatang guilty pa rin sa ginawang kalokohan. 

"We'd been in a relationship for a year, Ania. Why is it too easy for you to throw it—"

"You threw it first, remember? Stop acting like you're the victim because obviously you're not. Kailan mo maiintindihan na tapos na tayo, Kris?"

"Hindi ganoon kadali, Anya."

Sarkastiko akong natawa at inialis sa kaniya ang paningin. I want to pour this cup of coffee over him but somewhere at the back of my mind is telling me not to do it.

Never make a scandal in public — that's my first rule. It will only make me look stupid and low.

Huminga ako ng malalim at muli siyang tinitigan sa mga mata. Sinubukan kong hanapin ang kalabog ng puso ko na nararamdaman ko lang sa tuwing magkasama kami. Iyong saya kapag nag-uusap kami tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay. Kris had brought me so much happiness all throughout our relationship but why can't I find in myself to forgive him? Kaya ko naman sigurong patawarin, hindi pa lang ngayon.

‘Walang nagmamahal na hindi nagiging tanga.’

Alas maybe right on that part. I didn't let myself become stupid for Kris. Does it mean that I didn't love him?

I did. But not too much to lose my self worth.

"You know what, Kris. I'm really hoping that you would find in your heart to accept that it's already over for us. I'm happy with Alas and even if you cheated on me, I'm still wishing you the best. May respeto pa rin ako sa'yo at sa pamilya mo. Irespeto mo rin sana ako at ang desisyon ko,"

Nakatungo siya, nasa mesa ang tingin pero alam kong naiintindihan niya ang bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig ko.

Kailangan. Kailangan niyang maintindhan. I'm tired of repeating those words to him when he should have analyze it the first time I dropped them.

"This will be the last time we're going to see each other, Kris. Goodbye."

Kinuha ko ang hand bag na nakapatong sa ibabaw ng mesa at taas noong naglakad paalis roon. I'm delighted that he didn't call me as I am walking away from him. Mabuti na lang rin at hindi na siya gumawa pa ng eskandalo. Knowing him, he doesn't seem to give a care if he's the center of attention.

"Thank you and come again, Ma'am." the crew said as he pulled the glass door for me.

Hindi ko siya tiningnan at nagdire-diretso lang sa paglalakad palabas. I looked down, grabbed my key fob from the bag and pressed it. Kasabay ng pag-aangat ko ng tingin ay siyang pagkakahinto ko mula sa paglalakad.